Well it's that time of year again. It's hard to believe that this year is almost over. Is it me or does it seem like every year goes by faster and faster? This year for me has been better than the last few years. The beginning was a little tough though.
The first part of the year I wasn't seeing my husband much as he was spending his time in a town that was a little over 2 hrs away. He did decided to take the long as drive to from every day but it was still hard on him, the car and us. We soon (out of peer luck) had bought a used book store even though we didn't have any real money. This book store was owned by someone else, he didn't want his own business any more & sold it to this other guy. The guy had to many stores & went bankrupt, the first guy got it back. That is when we found it and took over.
It feels really good to own our own business again. My husband left his prison job so he could be closer to home and be here at the store. His father hasn't been in good health either which is another reason he wanted to be closer to home. So this year we have been working hard trying to keep the store going.We have been doing ok but got a little behind when things came up. We didn't have a good Dec and so we are unsure what is to become of the store.
Along the way (of this year) we have had some turn of events. Our oldest somewhat moved out trying to discover adulthood, in July 2 days before my birthday, we lost our dog Sammie due to old age (she was 13) and last month we lost our little guy (kitty) Snowball. It seems like shortly after Jr left and Sammie died, Snowball started to get sick. We thought for the longest time that it was depression from loosing his buddies. Come to find out he had some kind of cancer that made him really sick. When Sammie died, we knew she wasn't going to last past the summer. We think she may have had a small stroke that took out her left side. She could no longer eat, use the bathroom or even walk without use holding her up. We had to put her down. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
This year we did finally get to see Jeff Dunham live. It was the coolest thing. We were 13 rows back from the stage and off to the side. We saw him at the same place I first saw NKOTB when they came back two years ago so that also brought back some memories. I have also gotten to know some interesting & cool people including Darren Hayes. I have been working even more on myself. It has been a struggle but I'm still going.
As for the world, well we are still fighting for the rights of people who are gay, battling with and about religion, fighting to survive. Can't really talk about music because I don't listen to the radio so I don't know a hole lot about what is what.
For 20011 both personal and around the world I will like to see: ALL people having rights, people being able to find jobs, stop focusing on stupid little things, stop fighting over region or trying to bring it into everything and everyone's lives.
As for myself, I would like to keep our store and have it succeed, to pay on things and get somethings fixed, good health for my family and I, loose weight, to see NKOTBSB in concert with really really good seats, meat Donnie Wahlberg, to have the money to go to the listening party of Darren Hayes & have the courage to meet him (since I am still working on the issues of being around people I don't know and admire), soooo looking forward to Darren's new album, want to see him in concert since I never have, maybe be able to open a Subway (the sandwich place) and just to continue to work on myself no matter how hard it is.
I don't know what the future holds for the world or myself (my family) but I guess I am ready as I ever will be. I am just glad and thankful that I am here and my family. That I have had the experiences that I have had.Have a happy and safe New Year everyone.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
December 21st 2012
December 21st 2012 is supposed to be the end of the world. There are so many different things that are being said how the world is going to end on that day,which one is right? I personally don't think it will end but hey anything can happen (I know too that anything can happen can happen at any sec of any day).
I just find it interesting that so many people have so may different theories on how the world is going to end on that day. Reminds me of the year 1999 when everyone was freaking out that the computers were going to go haywire etc etc. and that didn't happen at all.
The thing that scares me is that a lot of people are willing to believe just about anything. Because of this, a lot of people do think the world is going to end in 2012 and can cause A LOT of chaos. Think about it, if a good part of the world believes the world is going to end, they are more likely to go out and do anything like causing riots, crime, killing themselves or others and all kinds of other things. I know that most will not do these things but there are those who would do these things thinking "why not, I am not going to be alive tomorrow anyways". Then there are those who don't believe it is going to end but will join in anyways using the end of the world as an excuse. To me I think this is more scary than the world ending because this is more real and more likely to happen. I really hope our presidents, kings, queens etc realize this and do as much planning as they can to try to keep it to a minimum or do a lot of patrolling the streets etc.
The media doesn't help either by creating fear in people. Bottom line, the world can end at any sec by anything: something from space, a major volcano eruption like the one in Yosemite or anything else of that magnitude. Instead of living in fear or wondering if the world is going to end in 2012, how about we focus on more important issues that going on out there. I say try to live each day like it's your last because you never know what is going to happen. Worry about more real things. If the world ends in 2012, then it does. There is nothing that can be done. It can be scary but what will happen will happen no matter what. I just seriously hope there isn't to much chaos going on the closer we get to Dec. 21st 2012.
I just find it interesting that so many people have so may different theories on how the world is going to end on that day. Reminds me of the year 1999 when everyone was freaking out that the computers were going to go haywire etc etc. and that didn't happen at all.
The thing that scares me is that a lot of people are willing to believe just about anything. Because of this, a lot of people do think the world is going to end in 2012 and can cause A LOT of chaos. Think about it, if a good part of the world believes the world is going to end, they are more likely to go out and do anything like causing riots, crime, killing themselves or others and all kinds of other things. I know that most will not do these things but there are those who would do these things thinking "why not, I am not going to be alive tomorrow anyways". Then there are those who don't believe it is going to end but will join in anyways using the end of the world as an excuse. To me I think this is more scary than the world ending because this is more real and more likely to happen. I really hope our presidents, kings, queens etc realize this and do as much planning as they can to try to keep it to a minimum or do a lot of patrolling the streets etc.
The media doesn't help either by creating fear in people. Bottom line, the world can end at any sec by anything: something from space, a major volcano eruption like the one in Yosemite or anything else of that magnitude. Instead of living in fear or wondering if the world is going to end in 2012, how about we focus on more important issues that going on out there. I say try to live each day like it's your last because you never know what is going to happen. Worry about more real things. If the world ends in 2012, then it does. There is nothing that can be done. It can be scary but what will happen will happen no matter what. I just seriously hope there isn't to much chaos going on the closer we get to Dec. 21st 2012.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Christmas Spirit
As I look around every year during the holidays, I see less holiday spirit. I don't know how people started loosing the holiday spirit. Everyone is so concerned what to say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy holidays". Does it really matter? It all means the same thing. If there is a nativity scene put somewhere, some have a fit thinking religion is being pushed. Why are we so worried about little things like this when there are more serious things going on in the world?
Christmas isn't just about celebrating the birth of Jesus, it's about giving to others, spending time with family and friends and enjoying life (all of this should be practiced every day in life). There are more than one religion out there that celebrate in different ways. It all has the same meaning no matter how it's said or celebrated. There is no wrong or right way to spend the holidays, we should embrace all differences.
This is just part of the problem. The second part of people loosing the holiday spirit is getting so stressed out over crazy things. Not having money to get this & that, having to get a certain amount of gifts, feeling like you have to spend a certain amount of money, rushing & pushing through a store trying to get that special deal or things. In the mean time people become rude, stressed, some get trampled. TRAMPLED!? Over a sale or item? Is this what we have become? Not giving a crap about others while trying to get something for someone? We have used the holidays to give into our greediness forgetting about the spirit of it all in the process. Why? What does it accomplish?
It's really sad to see this happen every year. It doesn't matter what you get, how much you spend or how many gifts. What is it going to take for everyone to realize this? I hope I can live long enough to see it get better.
Please during the holidays remember these simple things:
1) It doesn't matter how it's said or how it's celebrated, it means the same thing.
2) Don't worry about little things like a nativity scene in front of a building, it's the spirit in the holiday that really counts.
3) There is no need to rush out and spend so much money that you stress and end up broke.
4) The holidays (and every day for that matter) is about the spirit in people, family, friends and giving. As long as you have each other, nothing else matters.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!
Christmas isn't just about celebrating the birth of Jesus, it's about giving to others, spending time with family and friends and enjoying life (all of this should be practiced every day in life). There are more than one religion out there that celebrate in different ways. It all has the same meaning no matter how it's said or celebrated. There is no wrong or right way to spend the holidays, we should embrace all differences.
This is just part of the problem. The second part of people loosing the holiday spirit is getting so stressed out over crazy things. Not having money to get this & that, having to get a certain amount of gifts, feeling like you have to spend a certain amount of money, rushing & pushing through a store trying to get that special deal or things. In the mean time people become rude, stressed, some get trampled. TRAMPLED!? Over a sale or item? Is this what we have become? Not giving a crap about others while trying to get something for someone? We have used the holidays to give into our greediness forgetting about the spirit of it all in the process. Why? What does it accomplish?
It's really sad to see this happen every year. It doesn't matter what you get, how much you spend or how many gifts. What is it going to take for everyone to realize this? I hope I can live long enough to see it get better.
Please during the holidays remember these simple things:
1) It doesn't matter how it's said or how it's celebrated, it means the same thing.
2) Don't worry about little things like a nativity scene in front of a building, it's the spirit in the holiday that really counts.
3) There is no need to rush out and spend so much money that you stress and end up broke.
4) The holidays (and every day for that matter) is about the spirit in people, family, friends and giving. As long as you have each other, nothing else matters.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow part 3
This blog is out of order from the rest. I was trying to make changes, screwed up and things got weird. I had to copy the original and re-post it. Still want this highlighter stuff gone but can't take it away.
Looking back over the last 30 + years is pretty interesting. Seeing what has changed and what hasn't etc. It is going to be interesting to see how much things change in the next 30 years. I've seen tv's with hardly any channels and a pain to deal with (having to get up every time to change the channel or vol.) to having a remote (which they need to put some kind of beeper on it for when it gets lost) and lots of channels (with still nothing to watch). TV shows in some ways have gotten better but there is still that pesky censorship for cuss words that drives me nuts. Video games and movies have better sound and picture quality and graphics. We now can watch shows we have missed and enjoy our fav movies at home. Talking to people long distance is easier with just a click of a mouse. During emergencies or having to talk to someone at that sec when you are out and about is now possible and so much easier than searching for a pay phone. We are able to "talk" to our fav stars, who would have thought. Instead of carrying something big and bulky to listen to music on the go, we have something that fits in our pockets. People in general, well it's a mix. Things have become better but we are still fighting for rights. Diseases are becoming treatable and so is some cancers. As things become easier, our lives seem to become busier and more stressful. With more stress, there are more rude people. Technology doesn't help with that either. If you just take a moment and sit back to really look at things, it's all interesting and amazing.
For the future, well who knows. Some of it is pretty "scary" and other parts could easily get better. In the next 30 years I would like to see a cure for AIDS and breast cancer. Of coarse I would love to see a cure for everything but it's not humanly possible. I would like to see people who are gay to finally be able to get married and just have the same rights as everyone else. You don't have to agree or even like people who are gay but as humans, they do deserve to be treated with respect. For music well the record companies need to catch up with things and figure out a way for artist to get the decent money they deserve from the music they make. At some point sadly there will be no more cd's. Artist/singers can't make enough from sites like itunes. They sure as hell don't make anything when people share and download illegal music. Other companies that cater to singers like venues and merchandise companies also need to stop ripping both the singers and the ticket buyers. If these things don't change, it can very easily damage the music industry to the point where it will take forever to build back up. Music videos need to come back like they were in the 80's. I see books becoming a thing of the past with the electronic books replacing them. It sucks. There's nothing like holding an actual book in your hands. I see video games becoming 3D. That could be cool in some ways. Depending on the game. Movies will get better although this almost every movie only in 3D is wearing thin. I love 3D but for not every movie and I want to be able to choose 3D or not. It cost to much to always see a movie in 3D. Movie theaters are way to expensive and pretty much ripping us off when it comes to the cost of food and drinks. This too can have a bad effect in the future. Tv's are really changing. They now have 3D tv's. Not sure how it all works but I do know I don't want to see every little thing in 3D. I know what the next step is - holograms. Don't know if it will happen in the next 30 years but anything is possible. Cars maybe not flying but hover ones or something like KITT from Knight Rider. Back to people - well I could see us destroying ourselves. People are loosing respect for themselves and one another, are more angry, stressed, depressed, worrying about unimportant things even when it comes to other people and there is a lot more greed out there. Whatever the future will bring, it will be just as interesting. Things do get bad before they get better.
I got most of my info from wikipedia.com. THE END
Looking back over the last 30 + years is pretty interesting. Seeing what has changed and what hasn't etc. It is going to be interesting to see how much things change in the next 30 years. I've seen tv's with hardly any channels and a pain to deal with (having to get up every time to change the channel or vol.) to having a remote (which they need to put some kind of beeper on it for when it gets lost) and lots of channels (with still nothing to watch). TV shows in some ways have gotten better but there is still that pesky censorship for cuss words that drives me nuts. Video games and movies have better sound and picture quality and graphics. We now can watch shows we have missed and enjoy our fav movies at home. Talking to people long distance is easier with just a click of a mouse. During emergencies or having to talk to someone at that sec when you are out and about is now possible and so much easier than searching for a pay phone. We are able to "talk" to our fav stars, who would have thought. Instead of carrying something big and bulky to listen to music on the go, we have something that fits in our pockets. People in general, well it's a mix. Things have become better but we are still fighting for rights. Diseases are becoming treatable and so is some cancers. As things become easier, our lives seem to become busier and more stressful. With more stress, there are more rude people. Technology doesn't help with that either. If you just take a moment and sit back to really look at things, it's all interesting and amazing.
For the future, well who knows. Some of it is pretty "scary" and other parts could easily get better. In the next 30 years I would like to see a cure for AIDS and breast cancer. Of coarse I would love to see a cure for everything but it's not humanly possible. I would like to see people who are gay to finally be able to get married and just have the same rights as everyone else. You don't have to agree or even like people who are gay but as humans, they do deserve to be treated with respect. For music well the record companies need to catch up with things and figure out a way for artist to get the decent money they deserve from the music they make. At some point sadly there will be no more cd's. Artist/singers can't make enough from sites like itunes. They sure as hell don't make anything when people share and download illegal music. Other companies that cater to singers like venues and merchandise companies also need to stop ripping both the singers and the ticket buyers. If these things don't change, it can very easily damage the music industry to the point where it will take forever to build back up. Music videos need to come back like they were in the 80's. I see books becoming a thing of the past with the electronic books replacing them. It sucks. There's nothing like holding an actual book in your hands. I see video games becoming 3D. That could be cool in some ways. Depending on the game. Movies will get better although this almost every movie only in 3D is wearing thin. I love 3D but for not every movie and I want to be able to choose 3D or not. It cost to much to always see a movie in 3D. Movie theaters are way to expensive and pretty much ripping us off when it comes to the cost of food and drinks. This too can have a bad effect in the future. Tv's are really changing. They now have 3D tv's. Not sure how it all works but I do know I don't want to see every little thing in 3D. I know what the next step is - holograms. Don't know if it will happen in the next 30 years but anything is possible. Cars maybe not flying but hover ones or something like KITT from Knight Rider. Back to people - well I could see us destroying ourselves. People are loosing respect for themselves and one another, are more angry, stressed, depressed, worrying about unimportant things even when it comes to other people and there is a lot more greed out there. Whatever the future will bring, it will be just as interesting. Things do get bad before they get better.
I got most of my info from wikipedia.com. THE END
Monday, November 8, 2010
Fans Getting Screwed
I hate "complaining" about certain things because I am very grateful about what I do have in life but sometimes I have to let off steam. This is one of those times.
First off, I have been a huge fan of New Kids On The Block since I was in high school (1986). I am just as devoted as the next fan. Some things have come up though that are making me go GRRRRR. One thing is the price for a VIP 5* ticket to their concerts. A 5* VIP gets you a guaranteed seat in the first 5 rows (they pick the seat & not you which right away is kinda crap), a goody bag and a backstage pass to meet the guys. Now they through so many of these tickets out there that when you do get to meet them, you get like 2 mins to meet all five guys. The price for all of this is almost $400. Now of coarse I will pay it knowing what happens but at the same time I think it's insane to charge that much money and only 2 mins for all five guys and you don't even get to pick your own seat. Anybody who struggles with money can never get a chance to have all these great things. I think it is wrong to do stuff like this when so many people struggle with money. There are other ways this can be done and not so freakin' much money.
When the guys came back, they had a web site that anybody could go into including forums etc. Now that they are going to be touring with Backstreet Boys, their web site changed. Now to enjoy any of the cool stuff, you have to pay to be a member. Not to bad after all I paid to join the Darren Hayes fan club. Thing is, there are two prices/packages. One is $40 and the other is $75! Again people with even some kind of money get to do this and the ones that struggle to pay their bills or are just getting by get left out in the cold. I can understand the $40 one but to add another one and have it $75 just to make more money is crazy. Whoever runs these things and comes up with it is screwing the fans over. That is not right at all. I have been a fan since the beginning like most of us and want to be able to have a chance to be included in all the great things being a fan can bring.
I am not mad at the New Kids but wish they could understand that there are better companies and people to deal with this kind of thing and that are not all about the money. I am glad to be a NKOTB fan but these little things that end up screwing a lot of their fans is getting on my nerves. Next month my membership to Darren Hayes will expire, I am renewing that before joining NKOTB. One I have to make a choice because of money and even though I am a long loyal fan of NKOTB, I don't like what is going on. With Darren I feel more appreciated. I'm not saying the guys don't appreciate their fans because I know they do but the people running things are money hungry.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful because like I said I am very grateful. I just hate it when money hungry business/people step in and us struggling/just getting people have to be pretty much left out in the cold. I want to be able to try to get a 5* next time NKOTB come out but since I am not a fan club member, who knows how it will turn out (beside the money part). There always is tracking them downtown and spending real time with the guys. I really want good seats too. I want that experience. Never had it. Again the guys themselves are great and I adore/love them. I really hate seeing ( and being) some fans having to get pushed aside.
First off, I have been a huge fan of New Kids On The Block since I was in high school (1986). I am just as devoted as the next fan. Some things have come up though that are making me go GRRRRR. One thing is the price for a VIP 5* ticket to their concerts. A 5* VIP gets you a guaranteed seat in the first 5 rows (they pick the seat & not you which right away is kinda crap), a goody bag and a backstage pass to meet the guys. Now they through so many of these tickets out there that when you do get to meet them, you get like 2 mins to meet all five guys. The price for all of this is almost $400. Now of coarse I will pay it knowing what happens but at the same time I think it's insane to charge that much money and only 2 mins for all five guys and you don't even get to pick your own seat. Anybody who struggles with money can never get a chance to have all these great things. I think it is wrong to do stuff like this when so many people struggle with money. There are other ways this can be done and not so freakin' much money.
When the guys came back, they had a web site that anybody could go into including forums etc. Now that they are going to be touring with Backstreet Boys, their web site changed. Now to enjoy any of the cool stuff, you have to pay to be a member. Not to bad after all I paid to join the Darren Hayes fan club. Thing is, there are two prices/packages. One is $40 and the other is $75! Again people with even some kind of money get to do this and the ones that struggle to pay their bills or are just getting by get left out in the cold. I can understand the $40 one but to add another one and have it $75 just to make more money is crazy. Whoever runs these things and comes up with it is screwing the fans over. That is not right at all. I have been a fan since the beginning like most of us and want to be able to have a chance to be included in all the great things being a fan can bring.
I am not mad at the New Kids but wish they could understand that there are better companies and people to deal with this kind of thing and that are not all about the money. I am glad to be a NKOTB fan but these little things that end up screwing a lot of their fans is getting on my nerves. Next month my membership to Darren Hayes will expire, I am renewing that before joining NKOTB. One I have to make a choice because of money and even though I am a long loyal fan of NKOTB, I don't like what is going on. With Darren I feel more appreciated. I'm not saying the guys don't appreciate their fans because I know they do but the people running things are money hungry.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful because like I said I am very grateful. I just hate it when money hungry business/people step in and us struggling/just getting people have to be pretty much left out in the cold. I want to be able to try to get a 5* next time NKOTB come out but since I am not a fan club member, who knows how it will turn out (beside the money part). There always is tracking them downtown and spending real time with the guys. I really want good seats too. I want that experience. Never had it. Again the guys themselves are great and I adore/love them. I really hate seeing ( and being) some fans having to get pushed aside.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Bullying, Teasing & Humiliation In Our Schools
As I hear more and more about bullying in schools, I get frustrated that nothing more is being done about it. I do understand and realize that this kind of behavior will always go on, it's apart of the human culture. It's how it is being handle that is very annoying, sad and depressing.
There is so much pressure to be "hip", to drink, do drugs, have sex, look a certain way, to be a certain way. If you don't fit into those categories, you will be picked on. Just because one is different, they get picked on. If someone thinks one is ugly, to fat, to thin, to shy, not athletic, to artistic, gay, or just simply misunderstood, one gets picked on. These kids/young adults are not just being bullied, they are being humiliated.
Things are a little different when I was growing up. We didn't have cell phones with texting, digital cameras that also video tape and computers to share everything. Kids are no longer being bullied or teased in school, they are being humiliated through texting and the computer. It makes it far worse. It's disgusting what has been going on. What is one to do.
I think these days it has come down to more than just the way one looks. Now bullies are calling others gay even if they are not. The bullies are not just name calling, they go all out to do anything and everything to make sure they humiliate the one they are bulling.
What really gets me is when the word gay gets thrown into the picture, it becomes different some how. People (meaning adults) become to scared to deal with for fear of pissing off someone, think it's the kid's fault for behaving that way, thinking it's wrong to be gay so why not let it happen. Because of this, they turn the other check. The problem gets ignored. The kids feel like they can't turn to their parents. Some actually do and those parents goes to the school. They get turned away. The kid feels helpless, scared, unworthy, like no one cares, alone. If the schools or parents can't help, who will. They turn to drugs, alcohol, gangs, hurting themselves and even worse taking their own lives.
The victims are the ones being punished for something that someone else is doing to them. What does this teach our kids? I thought we were supposed to protect our kids not turn our backs on them just because we may not agree, understand how they lives their lives or scared to do say something for fear of being attacked ourselves. Is this what our world has come to? To scared to speak up for someone, thinking since your belief is "right" others should be punished if they do something against your belief?
Come on people, grow up, grow a pair and pull your head out of your ass and see what we are REALLY doing each other especially our kids/young adults. Harsh I know but hell it's about time someone is harsh about what is going on. KIDS ARE KILLING THEMSELVES!! As adults, it is our job to try to stop this from happening even if we don't agree how some is living their life. THEY ARE HUMANS TOO!
The schools need to fucking step up and do their damn job protecting the kids. And none of this "no tolerance" bullshit oh except if a kid is gay. Guess what, your "no tolerance" crap doesn't work. Victims are getting hurt in the process. We are teaching our kids to not stand up for themselves which is another reason the kids that are being bullied are so depressed because if they can't protect themselves and if no one will listen, then what? By protecting themselves I mean with words or if someone pushes them to push back. The schools need to address this issue and fast. Hold an assembly that actually matters with public speakers talking about the issue, setting up a hot-line that kids can call, tell the kids about different hot-lines that they can call like the Trevor Project. Not just say that ANY kind of bullying including by phone and computer will not be tolerated, but actually do something about it when it happens.
I understand we all believe different things and we have that right but we need to set aside what we believe to help these kids that need our help. Let them know that they are ok, nothing is wrong with them (even if you think being gay is wrong they need support), give them confidence so they can go on and be who they want to be. We need to teach our kids both victims and non-victims to speak up, protect the ones that don't have a voice, that any kids of bulling is not ok, show these kids we do care about them no matter what.
Parents need to step up too. They need to actually listen to their kids when they are being bullied, help try and solve the problem, let them know you are there for them, love them unconditionally, there is nothing wrong with them. If your kid is gay, even if you don't condone it ask yourself this: would you rather have your kid in your life even if he/she is gay or have them end their lives because even their parents say they nothing? You don't have to agree but you should still want to protect your kid from the people out there that want to hurt them. Parents also need to have a voice, band together and make sure the schools hear them and take action. Go to the papers, the news channels anything to get the schools to do something. Schools don't have to teach about LGBT to let it be known that things like that will not be tolerated.
Parents also need to teach our kids that any kind of bullying is not excepted and take more interest in their lives. Stop covering up for your kids by saying "not my kid, they wouldn't do that", or letting them get away with it if they do bully a kid. Knowing what your kids are doing, it's hard I know but it can be done. I do have two of my own so I know exactly how it is.
Bottom line, we need to start making a change for the better. These kids need our help so lets be their voice and speak up.
There is so much pressure to be "hip", to drink, do drugs, have sex, look a certain way, to be a certain way. If you don't fit into those categories, you will be picked on. Just because one is different, they get picked on. If someone thinks one is ugly, to fat, to thin, to shy, not athletic, to artistic, gay, or just simply misunderstood, one gets picked on. These kids/young adults are not just being bullied, they are being humiliated.
Things are a little different when I was growing up. We didn't have cell phones with texting, digital cameras that also video tape and computers to share everything. Kids are no longer being bullied or teased in school, they are being humiliated through texting and the computer. It makes it far worse. It's disgusting what has been going on. What is one to do.
I think these days it has come down to more than just the way one looks. Now bullies are calling others gay even if they are not. The bullies are not just name calling, they go all out to do anything and everything to make sure they humiliate the one they are bulling.
What really gets me is when the word gay gets thrown into the picture, it becomes different some how. People (meaning adults) become to scared to deal with for fear of pissing off someone, think it's the kid's fault for behaving that way, thinking it's wrong to be gay so why not let it happen. Because of this, they turn the other check. The problem gets ignored. The kids feel like they can't turn to their parents. Some actually do and those parents goes to the school. They get turned away. The kid feels helpless, scared, unworthy, like no one cares, alone. If the schools or parents can't help, who will. They turn to drugs, alcohol, gangs, hurting themselves and even worse taking their own lives.
The victims are the ones being punished for something that someone else is doing to them. What does this teach our kids? I thought we were supposed to protect our kids not turn our backs on them just because we may not agree, understand how they lives their lives or scared to do say something for fear of being attacked ourselves. Is this what our world has come to? To scared to speak up for someone, thinking since your belief is "right" others should be punished if they do something against your belief?
Come on people, grow up, grow a pair and pull your head out of your ass and see what we are REALLY doing each other especially our kids/young adults. Harsh I know but hell it's about time someone is harsh about what is going on. KIDS ARE KILLING THEMSELVES!! As adults, it is our job to try to stop this from happening even if we don't agree how some is living their life. THEY ARE HUMANS TOO!
The schools need to fucking step up and do their damn job protecting the kids. And none of this "no tolerance" bullshit oh except if a kid is gay. Guess what, your "no tolerance" crap doesn't work. Victims are getting hurt in the process. We are teaching our kids to not stand up for themselves which is another reason the kids that are being bullied are so depressed because if they can't protect themselves and if no one will listen, then what? By protecting themselves I mean with words or if someone pushes them to push back. The schools need to address this issue and fast. Hold an assembly that actually matters with public speakers talking about the issue, setting up a hot-line that kids can call, tell the kids about different hot-lines that they can call like the Trevor Project. Not just say that ANY kind of bullying including by phone and computer will not be tolerated, but actually do something about it when it happens.
I understand we all believe different things and we have that right but we need to set aside what we believe to help these kids that need our help. Let them know that they are ok, nothing is wrong with them (even if you think being gay is wrong they need support), give them confidence so they can go on and be who they want to be. We need to teach our kids both victims and non-victims to speak up, protect the ones that don't have a voice, that any kids of bulling is not ok, show these kids we do care about them no matter what.
Parents need to step up too. They need to actually listen to their kids when they are being bullied, help try and solve the problem, let them know you are there for them, love them unconditionally, there is nothing wrong with them. If your kid is gay, even if you don't condone it ask yourself this: would you rather have your kid in your life even if he/she is gay or have them end their lives because even their parents say they nothing? You don't have to agree but you should still want to protect your kid from the people out there that want to hurt them. Parents also need to have a voice, band together and make sure the schools hear them and take action. Go to the papers, the news channels anything to get the schools to do something. Schools don't have to teach about LGBT to let it be known that things like that will not be tolerated.
Parents also need to teach our kids that any kind of bullying is not excepted and take more interest in their lives. Stop covering up for your kids by saying "not my kid, they wouldn't do that", or letting them get away with it if they do bully a kid. Knowing what your kids are doing, it's hard I know but it can be done. I do have two of my own so I know exactly how it is.
Bottom line, we need to start making a change for the better. These kids need our help so lets be their voice and speak up.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow part 2
Sorry for taking a bit to get the second part of my blog done. Life happened and couldn't get to it. Here is the long second part of my blog.
The 90's - The economy was so much better. The Y2K scare at the end of 1999 had us thinking the computers may crash. The 90's is the decade for digital technology. Movements go on and gay pride marches start. The fighting of AIDS go on and strong. DNA helps out in solving cases. The first cloned sheep was done. The fight against breast cancer becomes bigger. Cell phones got smaller and started to get more complicated. Computers hit home in a big way with the World wide web, emailing and chatting came into play. Digital cameras hit the market, making it easier and cheaper to take pictures. MP3's are born, making it easier to carry our music but sets itself up for illegal downloading. DVD's are invented so we can toss the VHS tapes that always get messed up. Fashion - tattoos, body piercing, grunge, goth, urban, preppie and in early 90's the 80's fashion spilled over. There were also midriff style shirts, body suits with jeans, bangs, srunchies, capri pants and over-sized sweat shirts. The electronic pet Tamagotchi became popular, so did Anime and Manga. Role playing and multi playing games became huge and is still strong today. Pokemon exploded. First the cartoon then all the merchandise with the tole playing cards. Video games and systems get better graphics. Playstation comes out. The popular games were any Mario, Zelda, Crash Bandicoot, Tomb Radier, Resident evil and Sonic. More stuff is allowed on tv ever than before. Parents complain about it. Other complaints are violent music, tv, movies and video games are causing teens to be more violent.The tv shows were 90210, Buffy, Angel, South Park, Simpsons, Seinfeld and Friends. Price is right is still going and reality shows really start to kick in. The movies that were playing - Home alone, The mummy, Silence of the lambs, Independence day, Ghost, Titanic, Jurassic park and the Sixth sense. Some of the music playing was U2, MJ, Mariah Carey, Garth Brooks, Selena, Ricky Martin, Celion Dion, Britney Spears, Spice girls, N'sync, Backstreet boys and Savage Garden. Electric dance, hip hop and alternative rock became mainstream. For me the 90's were about growing, learning, some struggles and starting a family of my own. I was sad to see New kids break away. In 92' I moved from CA to CO. Went through a lot. Got married in 97'. Loved the music from Backstreet boys and fell in love with music from Savage Garden. Saw Janet Jackson for the first time. So many things happened, so many more to come.
2000's/today - Times are moving fast. The economy has been up and down, mostly down so far. Women still are not quite seen as equals but a lot better than before. Nothing too much has changed for people who are gay unfortunately. In some states they can now marry legally but still fighting hard in other states and just trying to be excepted as any other human. For tv things have become sexier, more words are allowed to be said but not all for some stupid reason. We now have American idol and America's got talent for talent shows. Reality shows - well there are so many but they include Big brother, the bachelor and survivor. Other shows like Criminal minds, 2 1/2 men, and Ghost hunters are pretty popular. For movies, well I don't know where to start. The graphics are awesome where cartoons look almost real. Some of the awesome movies are avatar, Iron Man, twilight and Harry Potter. Music has changed. A lot of R & B, hip hop/rap which has really changed since the 80's. Electric seems to be popular as well. Today technology is moving faster than ever. Every few months there is a new cell phone with the latest gadgets. You can do just about anything on computers. Another thing about tv is that it has a better picture coming through and graphics. People are able to talk to someone half way around the world, send a message directly to their fav. star and maybe even get one back. Twenty plus yrs ago if someone told me that I would be able to talk to Donnie Wahlberg on a computer and he would answer me, I would think they were nuts. It will be interesting to see what the future will bring but also scary.
I have decided that I am going to do this in three parts. The next part is going to be my view on the changes over the years, my feelings & opinion about what is going on and the future. I will try not to take so long writing this last part. :-)
The 90's - The economy was so much better. The Y2K scare at the end of 1999 had us thinking the computers may crash. The 90's is the decade for digital technology. Movements go on and gay pride marches start. The fighting of AIDS go on and strong. DNA helps out in solving cases. The first cloned sheep was done. The fight against breast cancer becomes bigger. Cell phones got smaller and started to get more complicated. Computers hit home in a big way with the World wide web, emailing and chatting came into play. Digital cameras hit the market, making it easier and cheaper to take pictures. MP3's are born, making it easier to carry our music but sets itself up for illegal downloading. DVD's are invented so we can toss the VHS tapes that always get messed up. Fashion - tattoos, body piercing, grunge, goth, urban, preppie and in early 90's the 80's fashion spilled over. There were also midriff style shirts, body suits with jeans, bangs, srunchies, capri pants and over-sized sweat shirts. The electronic pet Tamagotchi became popular, so did Anime and Manga. Role playing and multi playing games became huge and is still strong today. Pokemon exploded. First the cartoon then all the merchandise with the tole playing cards. Video games and systems get better graphics. Playstation comes out. The popular games were any Mario, Zelda, Crash Bandicoot, Tomb Radier, Resident evil and Sonic. More stuff is allowed on tv ever than before. Parents complain about it. Other complaints are violent music, tv, movies and video games are causing teens to be more violent.The tv shows were 90210, Buffy, Angel, South Park, Simpsons, Seinfeld and Friends. Price is right is still going and reality shows really start to kick in. The movies that were playing - Home alone, The mummy, Silence of the lambs, Independence day, Ghost, Titanic, Jurassic park and the Sixth sense. Some of the music playing was U2, MJ, Mariah Carey, Garth Brooks, Selena, Ricky Martin, Celion Dion, Britney Spears, Spice girls, N'sync, Backstreet boys and Savage Garden. Electric dance, hip hop and alternative rock became mainstream. For me the 90's were about growing, learning, some struggles and starting a family of my own. I was sad to see New kids break away. In 92' I moved from CA to CO. Went through a lot. Got married in 97'. Loved the music from Backstreet boys and fell in love with music from Savage Garden. Saw Janet Jackson for the first time. So many things happened, so many more to come.
2000's/today - Times are moving fast. The economy has been up and down, mostly down so far. Women still are not quite seen as equals but a lot better than before. Nothing too much has changed for people who are gay unfortunately. In some states they can now marry legally but still fighting hard in other states and just trying to be excepted as any other human. For tv things have become sexier, more words are allowed to be said but not all for some stupid reason. We now have American idol and America's got talent for talent shows. Reality shows - well there are so many but they include Big brother, the bachelor and survivor. Other shows like Criminal minds, 2 1/2 men, and Ghost hunters are pretty popular. For movies, well I don't know where to start. The graphics are awesome where cartoons look almost real. Some of the awesome movies are avatar, Iron Man, twilight and Harry Potter. Music has changed. A lot of R & B, hip hop/rap which has really changed since the 80's. Electric seems to be popular as well. Today technology is moving faster than ever. Every few months there is a new cell phone with the latest gadgets. You can do just about anything on computers. Another thing about tv is that it has a better picture coming through and graphics. People are able to talk to someone half way around the world, send a message directly to their fav. star and maybe even get one back. Twenty plus yrs ago if someone told me that I would be able to talk to Donnie Wahlberg on a computer and he would answer me, I would think they were nuts. It will be interesting to see what the future will bring but also scary.
I have decided that I am going to do this in three parts. The next part is going to be my view on the changes over the years, my feelings & opinion about what is going on and the future. I will try not to take so long writing this last part. :-)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow
This is going to be a long one and in two parts. I did a lot of brain storming and had the urge to write. Yesterday I looked at a 'Life' magazine from 1992. In it they showed some of the greatest artist '40 yrs of rock n' roll'. It had me thinking. Thinking about music and everything else. How much life has changed over the yrs. A lot has even changed since 1992. I love sitting and thinking about stuff like that. The past, today, wondering about tomorrow. In some ways things are better. Somethings are worse and others haven't changed much. No matter what is going on, I still find life to be pretty amazing.
1970's - Environmental issues started. The economy was really bad. Women were taking a stand for more rights. The gay movement took a huge step forward. There were popular video games like space invaders, asteroids and pong. Pocket calculators were invented. So was the floppy disk, video games, fiber optics, microwave ovens and VCR's. Personal computers were about too. For tv, you could only get about 5 channels depending where you lived. Cheesy but cool tv shows like Brady bunch, Mork and Mindy, Welcome back Kotter, Three's company and so many more where a big hit. The reality shows for that time were stuff like That's incredible and variety shows. The talent shows were the gong show. Game shows were family feud, the price is right and others. Kid shows included Bugs Bunny, Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers and the Muppet show. You had to get up to change the channel and adjust the volume. They had to be really careful what they said and showed on tv. The fashion was lg. Afros, side burns, beards and platform heel disco boots for men. The women had long straight hair and the feather cut. Bell bottoms and turtle necks were in. For music there were records, 8 track tapes until the cassette tape came out in the early 70's. There was a rise in soft rock and pop rock while disco was hot. Some of the people you heard on the radio were Jackson 5, Stevie Wonder, Bee Gee's, Diana Ross, Barry White, MJ and other great artist. At the movies you saw Jaws and made you scared to go in the water. Grease made you sing and dance and the Exorcist made you scared as hell. Superman making you wish there really was one, Star Wars with awesome effects, The God father and so many others. For me, well I was born in 72. I remember 8 tracks, getting up for the tv, watching The Wiz and Star Wars at the theaters. MJ's Off the wall and me thinking people on the records were not real (I was a strange kid ok). I remember when VCR's first came out. There was VHS and Betta, VHS won. In 1972 a couple of months before I was born, a boy was born who would grow up and create awesome music and touch so many hearts. Darren Hayes is his name.
1980's - 'Just say no' campaign started, drugs becoming a serious problem. Space shuttle Challenger disintegrated. Beginning of AIDS pandemic. Seat belt safety got pushed, so did smoking awareness. More fighting on racism, discrimination etc. Gay rights became more widely accepted in the western world. The discovery of AIDS allowed the Christian Right to condemn gays claiming AIDS was brought about by gays "loose morals". The home computer became more popular, the mouse was invented so was the bulky cell phones. Pagers were popular especially for teens. Walkman radios & cassette players were huge. The remote control started to become big. Nintendo game system came aboard with games like Super Mario brothers, Duck hunt and Tetris. Other video games were popular like Pac-man, Donkey kong and Zelda (other Mario games as well). Cd's came about in 1982 quickly taking over records and tapes. Fashion - big hair for both men and women, hair gel, leg warmers, shoulder pads, bright florescent colors, big earrings and bracelets all up and down the arm. The Rubik's cube came aboard with everyone trying to solve it, can you? Cable tv became more accessible. Tv shows: Alf, Knight Rider, Full house, Rosanne, Facts of life, Cosby, Star Trek next generation, Cheers, 21 Jumpstreet giving us Johnny Depp and America's most wanted to help catch the bad people. Kid's shows: She-ra, He man and transformers. Reality & contest shows were Star search, Solid Gold and Bloopers and practical jokes. Game shows, some stayed the same like Price is right & family feud. There were so many good movies like ET, Indiana Jones, Beverly hills cop, Fatal attraction, Back to the future, 16 candles, Nightmare on elm street, St. elmo's fire, Big, and Steven King movies like Christine. In music, disco died and keyboard synthesizer and drum machines were popular in music. Techno came about. Hard rock, heavy metal and glam metal became popular. Rap exploding on the air waves while break dancing was cool. Parents freak out about lyrics in songs this creating the parental advisory crap to end up on cd's. Mtv was launched and music videos began with a huge effect on the record industry. The people that were being blasted on the air waves were MJ, LL cool J, Will Smith, Madonna, Bon Jovi, Cyndi Lauper, Kylie Minogue, George Michael, Prince, The cure, Def Leppard, and New kids on the block. For me, my sister was born, I started high school, got braces and experienced the loss of a family member for the first time. I had the bracelets, leg warmers and bright colors. Can't forget the parachute pants and biker shorts/pants. I loved watching Mtv. Trying to dance like MJ in Beat it, being amazed by Thriller. Hearing boom music coming from cars got on my last nerve and still does. Rap was actually fun to listen to. I watched albums disappear from my record store as cd's took over in the spots. Loved Janet Jackson's Rhythm nation cd, talking about racism. Seeing teenagers having pagers. Even though I was picked on a lot in grade school, when I was in high school I really got a sense of the prejudice in the world. Hearing people talk bad about MJ, New kids (I did and still love those guys) and about people who were gay really bugged me till no end. I couldn't understand how one can judge another without knowing the person first. Overall, I love the 80's.
This is the end of the first half. Stay tuned for the second part, 90's, today and the future.
1970's - Environmental issues started. The economy was really bad. Women were taking a stand for more rights. The gay movement took a huge step forward. There were popular video games like space invaders, asteroids and pong. Pocket calculators were invented. So was the floppy disk, video games, fiber optics, microwave ovens and VCR's. Personal computers were about too. For tv, you could only get about 5 channels depending where you lived. Cheesy but cool tv shows like Brady bunch, Mork and Mindy, Welcome back Kotter, Three's company and so many more where a big hit. The reality shows for that time were stuff like That's incredible and variety shows. The talent shows were the gong show. Game shows were family feud, the price is right and others. Kid shows included Bugs Bunny, Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers and the Muppet show. You had to get up to change the channel and adjust the volume. They had to be really careful what they said and showed on tv. The fashion was lg. Afros, side burns, beards and platform heel disco boots for men. The women had long straight hair and the feather cut. Bell bottoms and turtle necks were in. For music there were records, 8 track tapes until the cassette tape came out in the early 70's. There was a rise in soft rock and pop rock while disco was hot. Some of the people you heard on the radio were Jackson 5, Stevie Wonder, Bee Gee's, Diana Ross, Barry White, MJ and other great artist. At the movies you saw Jaws and made you scared to go in the water. Grease made you sing and dance and the Exorcist made you scared as hell. Superman making you wish there really was one, Star Wars with awesome effects, The God father and so many others. For me, well I was born in 72. I remember 8 tracks, getting up for the tv, watching The Wiz and Star Wars at the theaters. MJ's Off the wall and me thinking people on the records were not real (I was a strange kid ok). I remember when VCR's first came out. There was VHS and Betta, VHS won. In 1972 a couple of months before I was born, a boy was born who would grow up and create awesome music and touch so many hearts. Darren Hayes is his name.
1980's - 'Just say no' campaign started, drugs becoming a serious problem. Space shuttle Challenger disintegrated. Beginning of AIDS pandemic. Seat belt safety got pushed, so did smoking awareness. More fighting on racism, discrimination etc. Gay rights became more widely accepted in the western world. The discovery of AIDS allowed the Christian Right to condemn gays claiming AIDS was brought about by gays "loose morals". The home computer became more popular, the mouse was invented so was the bulky cell phones. Pagers were popular especially for teens. Walkman radios & cassette players were huge. The remote control started to become big. Nintendo game system came aboard with games like Super Mario brothers, Duck hunt and Tetris. Other video games were popular like Pac-man, Donkey kong and Zelda (other Mario games as well). Cd's came about in 1982 quickly taking over records and tapes. Fashion - big hair for both men and women, hair gel, leg warmers, shoulder pads, bright florescent colors, big earrings and bracelets all up and down the arm. The Rubik's cube came aboard with everyone trying to solve it, can you? Cable tv became more accessible. Tv shows: Alf, Knight Rider, Full house, Rosanne, Facts of life, Cosby, Star Trek next generation, Cheers, 21 Jumpstreet giving us Johnny Depp and America's most wanted to help catch the bad people. Kid's shows: She-ra, He man and transformers. Reality & contest shows were Star search, Solid Gold and Bloopers and practical jokes. Game shows, some stayed the same like Price is right & family feud. There were so many good movies like ET, Indiana Jones, Beverly hills cop, Fatal attraction, Back to the future, 16 candles, Nightmare on elm street, St. elmo's fire, Big, and Steven King movies like Christine. In music, disco died and keyboard synthesizer and drum machines were popular in music. Techno came about. Hard rock, heavy metal and glam metal became popular. Rap exploding on the air waves while break dancing was cool. Parents freak out about lyrics in songs this creating the parental advisory crap to end up on cd's. Mtv was launched and music videos began with a huge effect on the record industry. The people that were being blasted on the air waves were MJ, LL cool J, Will Smith, Madonna, Bon Jovi, Cyndi Lauper, Kylie Minogue, George Michael, Prince, The cure, Def Leppard, and New kids on the block. For me, my sister was born, I started high school, got braces and experienced the loss of a family member for the first time. I had the bracelets, leg warmers and bright colors. Can't forget the parachute pants and biker shorts/pants. I loved watching Mtv. Trying to dance like MJ in Beat it, being amazed by Thriller. Hearing boom music coming from cars got on my last nerve and still does. Rap was actually fun to listen to. I watched albums disappear from my record store as cd's took over in the spots. Loved Janet Jackson's Rhythm nation cd, talking about racism. Seeing teenagers having pagers. Even though I was picked on a lot in grade school, when I was in high school I really got a sense of the prejudice in the world. Hearing people talk bad about MJ, New kids (I did and still love those guys) and about people who were gay really bugged me till no end. I couldn't understand how one can judge another without knowing the person first. Overall, I love the 80's.
This is the end of the first half. Stay tuned for the second part, 90's, today and the future.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Has been a struggle
I kinda feel funny blogging about this personal issue but at the same time if there are other women out there that are having the same issues, then maybe it will help for them to know that they are not alone.
I am talking about an ectopic pregnancy. About 5 1/2 yrs ago, I had what is called an ectopic pregnancy. It is when the fetus is somewhere else other than the uterus. In my case it got stuck in the left fallopian tube. Since it can't survive there, the tube burst, I lost the baby, had a massive internal bleeding and almost lost my life.
I didn't even know that I was pregnant. One night when I got up to start dinner, I had a big gas pain, felt sick and really dizzy. When I laid in front of the AC, I felt better. Later on I started to feel dizzy again & had to use the bathroom but knew I would faint if I got up. When my husband came home, he helped me up and before I could make it out of the front room, I fainted.
I thought it was because of the heat since the heat can make me feel dizzy etc & because I did feel better at one point. I finally made it up the stairs to my bedroom and I think at some point I fainted again. Some parts are still blurry. I didn't sleep at all that night.
The next day my husband got the kids to school. I now felt worse. Feeling full, in some pain and could hardly move. The kids had a short day. I still wanted to see what would happen before I went to the hospital. By the afternoon I was in so much pain I was scared and wanted to go to the doctors. My husband called 911, the firemen took my blood pressure, I fainted again but they caught me.
I got over to the hospital by ambulance (very bumpy ride). They asked me the normal questions. I did not think I was pregnant. Not to go all TMI but the last time we had sex, my husband didn't, well you know, so we didn't think anything of it. They ran a test anyways and sure enough I was. She then told me that I was about 3 weeks pregnant but I also had an ectopic pregnancy and lost it. Not in those words but basically that is what she said. She also said that I had internal bleeding and needed an operation to stop the bleeding or I will die.
I had to process all of this but couldn't show emotion because I was in pain. Now I no longer have a left fallopian tube. My parents came out, helped me for about a week before going back to CA. That night I lost it. All the emotions of everything came flooding out. By the way, I lost so much blood that it took 2 1/2 bags to refill me! I am dead serious. If I didn't go in when I did, I would not be here. I went through a lot of emotional stages and going through one now (will explain in a bit). That was the first time I had gotten pregnant. I never really got angry and I pretty much know why it happened. I had a cyst (not cancerous) and that is what stopped it. I am not angry, I just wonder why was this the only time I have gotten pregnant since I have been with my husband for about 16+ yrs (before we got married & almost 13 yrs marriage).
I still and always will think about it. Twice a yr it really gets me, Sep (that's when it happened) and around May/June because that is when he/she would have been born. What also has been bugging me is how to talk about it to people. Since I have recently putting myself out there trying to make friends (something I have never really done being a shy person), things have been coming up that is hard to deal with.
All the girls that I have been meeting have small kids. Some around the same age mine would be. I hear them talk about their kids, what they went through when they were pregnant etc etc. As I hear them talk about it, it keeps bringing up the feelings I have about loosing mine knowing that I would be talking about it all too but can't. They do not know yet what has happened to me because the subject really hasn't come up for me to say something.
It is getting harder and harder for me to hear these stories. Last time I almost left the room to go cry in the bathroom. I know I should and have to bring it up to them but how and when? I just don't want to pop up and say "oh by the way I lost a baby and almost died 5 1/2 yrs ago" especially if everyone is laughing and having a good time. I don't want to spoil any ones fun nor do I want it to be about me or have the attention turn to me.
I knew this was going to happen. I want to tell them but I just don't know how to or when the best time to bring it up. I also know that I will start crying when I do tell them. This is my new step in the grieving I guess, learning how and when to talk to people about it. I don't know what to do about it. I know I will work it out but for now it is very hard and I feel stuck. I know, a pretty long blog just to say what my issues is but I felt I had to explain my story first. Thanks for reading this long blog. If anyone has had an ectopic pregnancy, feel free to leave a comment or talk about it. Not a lot of people know about it and it can be really hard to get through.
I am talking about an ectopic pregnancy. About 5 1/2 yrs ago, I had what is called an ectopic pregnancy. It is when the fetus is somewhere else other than the uterus. In my case it got stuck in the left fallopian tube. Since it can't survive there, the tube burst, I lost the baby, had a massive internal bleeding and almost lost my life.
I didn't even know that I was pregnant. One night when I got up to start dinner, I had a big gas pain, felt sick and really dizzy. When I laid in front of the AC, I felt better. Later on I started to feel dizzy again & had to use the bathroom but knew I would faint if I got up. When my husband came home, he helped me up and before I could make it out of the front room, I fainted.
I thought it was because of the heat since the heat can make me feel dizzy etc & because I did feel better at one point. I finally made it up the stairs to my bedroom and I think at some point I fainted again. Some parts are still blurry. I didn't sleep at all that night.
The next day my husband got the kids to school. I now felt worse. Feeling full, in some pain and could hardly move. The kids had a short day. I still wanted to see what would happen before I went to the hospital. By the afternoon I was in so much pain I was scared and wanted to go to the doctors. My husband called 911, the firemen took my blood pressure, I fainted again but they caught me.
I got over to the hospital by ambulance (very bumpy ride). They asked me the normal questions. I did not think I was pregnant. Not to go all TMI but the last time we had sex, my husband didn't, well you know, so we didn't think anything of it. They ran a test anyways and sure enough I was. She then told me that I was about 3 weeks pregnant but I also had an ectopic pregnancy and lost it. Not in those words but basically that is what she said. She also said that I had internal bleeding and needed an operation to stop the bleeding or I will die.
I had to process all of this but couldn't show emotion because I was in pain. Now I no longer have a left fallopian tube. My parents came out, helped me for about a week before going back to CA. That night I lost it. All the emotions of everything came flooding out. By the way, I lost so much blood that it took 2 1/2 bags to refill me! I am dead serious. If I didn't go in when I did, I would not be here. I went through a lot of emotional stages and going through one now (will explain in a bit). That was the first time I had gotten pregnant. I never really got angry and I pretty much know why it happened. I had a cyst (not cancerous) and that is what stopped it. I am not angry, I just wonder why was this the only time I have gotten pregnant since I have been with my husband for about 16+ yrs (before we got married & almost 13 yrs marriage).
I still and always will think about it. Twice a yr it really gets me, Sep (that's when it happened) and around May/June because that is when he/she would have been born. What also has been bugging me is how to talk about it to people. Since I have recently putting myself out there trying to make friends (something I have never really done being a shy person), things have been coming up that is hard to deal with.
All the girls that I have been meeting have small kids. Some around the same age mine would be. I hear them talk about their kids, what they went through when they were pregnant etc etc. As I hear them talk about it, it keeps bringing up the feelings I have about loosing mine knowing that I would be talking about it all too but can't. They do not know yet what has happened to me because the subject really hasn't come up for me to say something.
It is getting harder and harder for me to hear these stories. Last time I almost left the room to go cry in the bathroom. I know I should and have to bring it up to them but how and when? I just don't want to pop up and say "oh by the way I lost a baby and almost died 5 1/2 yrs ago" especially if everyone is laughing and having a good time. I don't want to spoil any ones fun nor do I want it to be about me or have the attention turn to me.
I knew this was going to happen. I want to tell them but I just don't know how to or when the best time to bring it up. I also know that I will start crying when I do tell them. This is my new step in the grieving I guess, learning how and when to talk to people about it. I don't know what to do about it. I know I will work it out but for now it is very hard and I feel stuck. I know, a pretty long blog just to say what my issues is but I felt I had to explain my story first. Thanks for reading this long blog. If anyone has had an ectopic pregnancy, feel free to leave a comment or talk about it. Not a lot of people know about it and it can be really hard to get through.
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