Why Do We Come Out?

I was sitting here in my room, watching old youtube clips of Ellen DeGeneres coming out and/or speaking about it. I then asked myself, why do we have to come out? Why not just be who we are. Why can't we just love who we love and/or be who we are and not have to worry about coming out? Why do others wonder and feel they have to know who we love or the kind of lifestyle we live or what has happened to us?

Why do other people get surprised when we mention the kind of person we are? Why are they surprised about some of the things we have been through? Why do we feel the need to even mention it? Why can't we just talk about who we are like we talk about other things without someone batting an eye lash? Why can't we just be open about things without having to come out? Hell, why do some people judge even if they don't agree? One doesn't have to agree with something and still not judge.

Why can't we just be who we are without fear? It's very sad and depressing that we have to hide from ourselves and one another. It's sad that we have to "come out" as being who we are because everything is such a secret and looked down on. Every single one of us has "something" that we are "hiding". Whether being gay, bi, poly, pan, a sexual, our fetishes, being into bdsm, being abused, was raped, being bullied, have depression etc. 

Even though being abused, was raped and so on isn't a lifestyle, it's still something that we "come out" about because there is still that fear of being judged. They are shameful secrets. Coming out can mean about anything.

So again I ask, why do we come out instead of just being who we are and have it be "normal"?

Arguments On Gay Articles

I am sure I wrote something similar to this but this time I'm not going to talk about my feelings on people who are gay, but I am going to talk about my feelings on the comments/arguments I see on blogs that talk about people who are gay.

I don't know why I read comments on articles that has to do with the topic of people who are gay. It used to really piss me off but now I actually find them amusing. Sometimes yes, I get pissed about the ignorance but I have come to terms that there will always be racism of every kind. This doesn't mean that I nor anyone else shouldn't stand up for what's right but when it comes to comments on a website, sometimes it's better to ignore them. Some are there for attention, some are there to just state their opinion and others look for conflict so they can say how much they are correct and everyone else is wrong.  It's kinda like people watching for me but on the web and I see the conversations instead of making up my own stories.

The comments always start out with arguing if being gay is a sin and/or wrong, or if it's not. Then very quickly it turns into an argument about religion; interpretations of the bible, if there really is a God and so on.

People sometimes start "yelling", cussing each other out and calling each other names. It's like they actually loose site in what their God really stands for (or just respect if one doesn't believe in a God).  They start saying things that don't make any sense, they talk about the things they were most likely taught as a kid instead of taking a deep look into things and coming up with their own thoughts. A lot people also think they are correct and everyone else is wrong and stupid. It gets pretty crazy and stupid if you ask me.

Even though I now become mostly amused by everything, I also shake my head. I am always wondering why can't we argue about more important things? Do we really have to resort in name calling and think others are stupid just because they have different beliefs? Why do we feel the need to try and prove we are right? Why do we think that what we believe is right and others are wrong? Why can't we just respect each other? Open minds people, open minds.

I don't want to get deep into God and the bible but it does make me go "wow" at how many different interpretations there are about religion, how everyone thinks they are correct, forget that there are many different beliefs out there which none is right or wrong. It's the actions and how we treat other that really make something right or wrong. Some people get so hostile about it too. Again I ask why?

Other things I see a lot in comments are the crazy things that people believe to be true about gay people (I'm not calling the people crazy, just the words that come out of their mouths or in this case fingers). Where in the hell do some of them get their information and why do they believe it? Did something so horrible happen in their life to think theses things? Why can't they pick apart their accusations and realize what they say makes no sense? Why is it hard for some to admit they are wrong? I really do wonder about some people sometimes.

I know in writing this, I can't change everyone but I do hope some take a real hard look at themselves, how they treat others and why do they REALLY believe in some of the things they do. Maybe even try to think outside the box and come up with their own thoughts instead of what they have been taught by others. We also need to be truly educated on things before saying crazy "truths". Acknowledge others differences, accept it and most important, always show respect.

Having A Gay Parent

There is always talk about same sex couples raising kids. What you don't hear enough about is the kids that have gay parents. I am here to talk about my story.

If you have read my other blog Coming Out In My Family , you will know that my father is gay. Because in the 60's and 70's being gay was something one just didn't talk about, it made it harder for my dad to be who he was. Like a lot of LGTB people then, he tried to not be gay. He married my mom and a year later I was born. He struggled with it the whole time. Then in the early 80's, my sister was born. By this time he knew he couldn't change and accepted who he was. My parents split.

When he told me he was gay, I was about 10 or 11 years old. I knew what being gay meant, I just didn't understand it. Hell, I didn't even understand about straight relationships. I just knew that my dad was who he was and he couldn't change that. I knew a lot of people hated people who were gay and there was a lot of violence towards anyone who was. It was all over the news. Yes those things still go on today but not like they did back then.

I felt sad for my dad and scared. Sad because I knew things would be harder for him and I didn't want that. Scared because I didn't want someone to beat him up or worse. I was also afraid of how I might be treated in school since I was already being bullied. 

At some point I decided to tell the few friends I had. Luckily they didn't care. Thank God their parents didn't care either. I never got bullied because I had a gay father, it was just other things like I was too skinny, I couldn't play sports etc etc.

My father never threw his relationships "in my face" so to speak. Even if it was something I saw all the time, it wouldn't have made a bit of difference if the person he was dating was male or female, I would have still felt the same. I was only introduced to two people. The first didn't work out. The second guy did and was amazing.

He did everything he could to make my sister and I feel welcome. He was one of the sweetest guys you could ever meet. He treated my dad with respect and my sister and I with respect. He treated us like his own daughters. He made my dad happy. Those are the things that really mattered. There are too many boyfriend/girlfriend's of single parents that treat the kids like crap. I would rather have my dad (or mom for that matter) be in a relationship with someone who was/is respectful than to be in one that is abusive.

When we would be out in public, there would be times I would wonder what would happen if someone found out that my dad and the other guy were a couple. Sometimes I wouldn't want anyone to know. I knew there was nothing wrong with two guys being in a relationship but knowing how other people felt about it made me uncomfortable. I know all of this is one of the reasons why some people say gay couples shouldn't have children. The thing is, one it was a different time (the 80's) and two, it didn't damage me at all. I was just more aware of things and I was already a child with low self esteem. Plus, the negative things that some people throw out can make anyone feel uncomfortable, child or adult.

My father and this guy got married but wasn't legal since back then it wasn't allowed anywhere. I didn't attend because I lived in a different state. Was it hard? Yes but not because my dad was marrying another guy. It was hard because he was marrying another person that wasn't my mom. I was about 18 or 19 but it was still hard. I just never dealt with any of feelings I had about my parents splitting up.

Fast forward to today. I am not broken or damaged by having a gay parent. Yes I was raised by my mom and still had my dad in my life but that's not the point. Even if I was raised by my dad, I would still be just fine. I haven't "turned gay", I don't sit here and think "it's cool to be gay" and any other myth you want to throw out can be, well thrown out. I can tell you that I would rather have a gay parent(s) than not have any at all. My father never abused me, he didn't abandoned me and he isn't sitting in a prison somewhere where I can only see him through bars and/or glass. I was taught the same things as any other child growing up.

I was shown and taught about love. That love comes in all different ways and is not prejudiced, only people are. I just want my dad to be happy. That is what really matters. I am grateful that my dad found that special someone. Unfortunately he lost his life and couldn't marry my dad legally. 

To anyone who sits there and says that a kid having two moms or dads is not good for the child needs to get educated more on the subject. How about talking to kids who are in the situation or adults who grew up with same sex parents. We will tell you that it's really ok. Kids don't care if they have 1 parent or 2, 2 moms or 2 dads; they just care about being loved, supported and to be protected. So to deny a child a loving home who doesn't have parents is the real damage. The only people care seem to care who a child lives with is other adults.

I think some adults have forgotten what it's like to be child and how it feels. Children are not stupid. They know more than they are given credit. They are curious about the world and we need to educate them on the different people and lifestyles even if we don't agree to some of them. We need to stop sheltering them from little things and shelter them from the bigger things. Children tend not to judge so why do we as adults?

Some might say that kids don't know what's best for themselves. I call bullshit. Yes we know more but kids do know what they need and want. Just ask them. Ask them if they would rather have 2 parents of the same sex or no parents at all (or in jail etc etc). I guarantee you they will say they would rather have 2 same sex parents.

Some might say that there is a risk of sexual abuse. I think there needs to be more education on this subject as well. People are people no matter what. They will sexual abuse a child no matter straight or gay. Most abusers that go after the same sex are straight. Ask them. Has anyone? Probably not. Do real research before speaking on the subject. 

How about, "they will get teased/bullied", well guess what, the bullying is going to happen no matter what the subject is. We can't protect our children from everything. "It's not a normal family". What is a normal family? Where parents fight all the time, are abusive, uncaring, drugs and so forth? Please people, stop with the crazy nonsense. Talk to actual kids and adults that grew up with gay parents. Let a child go to a loving home no matter who the parents are. They WILL be ok. Remember, the sad thing is and the real damage is not letting a child have a loving home and protecting them from things they don't need protect from.

Against Gay Marriage Companies

These days you hear a lot about companies & organizations being against same sex marriage. Then comes along whether to donate to that organization or to support that company by spending your money at a certain place. Some may chastise you for not supporting these places or for supporting these places. There is the question of what is really the right thing to do. Should one boycott a company/organization for their right to believe what they feel is right or should one just brush it off? 

Everyone has their own thoughts & feelings about this subject. It just amazing that we can sit here & focus on something like if should support or not support these places instead on focusing on more important things in life. Everyone wants to play their part in life, to help or even to not care. Hey, it's not a bad thing; after all we are all human & all of this is human instinct. Survival of the fittest if you will.

Here is my take on it. We all have a choice. We can choose to support or not to support. What we shouldn't do is judge someone who is making their choice for their own personal reasons. I personally wouldn't work for a company knowing that they have strong religious beliefs that might effect me. Would I give money to that company knowing they give money to fight against same sex marriage? Most likely not but then again it depends on the company. 

Take for instance Chick-fill-A. I don't think their food is that great, I don't have to go there for something only they sell so I don't bother. I heard Hobby Lobby craft store is run by highly religious people. I wouldn't work there but since they are the closest craft store to me & I do a lot of crafts, I have to shop there. 

The Salvation Army is another company that people have been back & forth on. Some still give their money to them & some refuse to do so all the while we sit back & argue how right or wrong whatever choice we make. I myself have battled with this one. Just yesterday I made the choice to give my loose change to the red bucket. For me it has come down to this: They help ANYBODY who is homeless & just in need of help. Why should the people that need help suffer just because the organization has different beliefs than me? Now if they were to help only those who are straight & was just vicious about everything, then yes I could see not giving them any money. As far as I know, they do nothing of the sort so why not help out people who are in need? By giving them money, I feel like I am going against those I care about that are gay. If I don't give them money, I feel bad that I am refusing to give help to those that really need it. I am still battling this one myself.

What it comes down to; every person, every company/organization has their own right & beliefs. We shouldn't put anybody down or make them feel less just because we do not agree with how they feel. Trying to boycott them is to much. These places have a right just like anybody else. They need to put food on the table too. We can simply choose not to support them, doesn't mean we have to fight with others & them just because we disagree. We should focus our energy on things that we can really change. As for something like the Salvation Army, again it's up to anyone to give them money. If they are not actively discriminating anyone (psychically harming or refusing help etc), we should continue to help those who have less than us. 

Instead lets get schools to stop treating our kids like freaks & make sure they do their job to protect kids; teach our kids that there are different people in the world & even if we may not agree with how they live, they still have rights & are humans who should be treated with respect. Focus on organizations that actually do harm to others. Focus on more important issues.

Gay Marriage & Racism Part 2

Now about the kids & parents. Our kids have such a hard time growing up, trying to figure themselves out, discover life, to be accepted. Why should we make it harder for them? It is our duty to explain & teach them about life even if we don't agree with some of it. It is our duty to love them unconditionally, no if ands or buts. If you throw in any of those, the love is not unconditional. I am a parent myself and have a bi son. I can't even imagine looking him in the eye & telling him that he is no longer my son, there is something wrong with him & whatever else parents say. As parents we don't have to agree with our kid's life style, what they do as a career, how they dress and so on. We should still love them, respect them and be there for them NO MATTER WHAT. They are apart of us after-all. Are some of us afraid to admit that our child is gay & born that way because it might mean there is "something wrong" with us or we did something wrong? 

Being gay is not something you can beat out, change with electroshock therapy, any other therapy, a camp or anything else. Even if you think one can change and not be gay anymore, doing these things to our kids is so inhumane, disgusting and well just freakin' horrible. I understand if some follow a religion, believe what they believe & if their kid thinks different how one might feel betrayed & afraid what others might think. To me it still doesn't make it right to treat kids so horrible. Kids should come before ANYTHING. We are adults, who the hell cares what others think? Family is more important. We were once kids too with the same feelings, remember what that was like?

Things have changed. We are no longer afraid to talk about differences in people. Kids, they have it harder. Not only do they get teased in school, it now goes viral. This makes it so much worse. This means they can never get away from the bullying. What we should be teaching our kids is acceptance of ourselves no matter the outcome. We need to let kids be who they are even if we don't like it. To many kids are killing themselves because of the torture they go through. Would you rather have your kid alive , finding their own way in life & still be apart of them or to loose them to suicide, drugs or running away? What is more important to you? We need to protect our kids better, stop letting others make our decisions for us & step up to what is humanly right.


To those that say gay people, same sex marriage etc hurts our kids, how does it? All kids need to see is two loving people who respect each other, how to be in a loving relationship, how to treat others & the one you are with, how a relationship works. Those are the things that are important. Two people of the same sex can have those things & teach their kids that. After-all they are human like anybody else with the same feelings, goals, frustrations as anybody else. My sister & I grew up with a gay parent & we came out ok. It taught us things instead of hurting us. Today so many straight couples are cheating, treating each other like crap, getting a divorce & so on. What is that teaching our kids?


I could go on and comment about everything little thing. Bottom line, everyone needs to stop trying to control others. If you don't like how someone is, fine but don't be rude about it, try to change them and try to stop them from having rights. Every single one of us are human and deserve the right to live a happy a life. If you are so disgusted about something, maybe you should look deep down and try to figure why it bothers you how someone else lives that doesn't effect you, REALLY look. We evolve as time goes on, laws need to change with it. It's about time everyone has the same rights. I saw a video today that can pretty much sum this up (posted below). Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Take care everyone.

Gay Marriage & Racism Part 1

Before I get deep into this blog, I first want to point out that I think everyone has the right to believe what they want, to be in any religion and to feel what they want. It's what makes us human, makes us different & we have the freedom to do so.


              (NOTE: I have to do this in 2 parts)

Lately I have been more and more disgusted at what I have been hearing people say about people who are gay and that they want the right to marry.The fact that we have to even have this discussion is stupid. I mean, we sit here & talk about how everyone is created equal and yet we deny certain rights to people that we don't happen to like at the moment. Women had to fight to have rights, blacks had to fight for their rights and now people who are gay have to fight for their rights. To me it's all disgusting behavior (having certain people to fight for rights) that us humans have created for no real reason except to hate on others that are different, that we don't understand and that we may not agree with. 

Are we really that self centered to think what we believe is the correct way and that we are better than others because of it? What makes this world great is that there are all kinds of different people. We all look different, talk different, act different, have different religious beliefs or none at all, live different lives. If we were all the same or very similar, life would be way to boring. No one is better than the other, no religion is the right religion, we are all human no matter what.

Now lets talk about marriage. Without getting religion involved, marriage is a commitment between two people who love each other deeply & wants to share their lives with each other until they die. It's about respect, communication and understanding. They want to have a family (or sometimes not), to be connected & not alone. Every human on the planet wants these things. I took religion out of it because not everyone is religious but still gets married. It still means the exact thing. Way before Christ, people didn't get married, they just had sex to populate the earth. Marriage then came about. Kids as young as, well birth, got thrown into arranged marriages for different reasons. No real love there. Over time, it has changed to what we know now. There are still different marriages & I am not just talking about same sex marriages. The only people that can define marriage as a religious thing is those who are religious.As long as both parties agree & they are of the right age, all marriage is the same, commitment & love.

Who one marries does not effect anyone else one bit, so why are we trying to put restrictions on it? Because some think it's wrong, disgusting, a sin, it's about a man & a woman only, it's unhealthy, they spread diseases, they have sex with everybody yada yada yada. Oh let me guess, if we allow people of the same sex to get married, they will want to then marry animals, computers and anything else. Seriously?? Is this the best you can come up with? 


When did we get the right to tell others how to live & who to love? What makes us so special to dictate others? What makes us better than others to where we have to degrade those who are "less" than us? Are we really that unhappy with ourselves (and afraid to admit it) that we feel the need to be in other people's business? What bout our children? What message are we sending them with all this hate & bigotry? And please don't say it isn't hate, bigotry etc because it is. Look it up.


(continue in part 2.......coming soon)