A Joke - Mr. Frog

I don't remember where I got this joke from since it's been a long time but I thought I would share it sine it's pretty funny

Once upon a time there was a frog who lived in a lake all by himself. He had been given special powers by a local witch.

One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first glimpse of the world outside.

The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit and so he called out to them and asked them to stop. Then he said to them, "I am a magical frog and since you are the first two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both three wishes. You'll each take turns using them and you have to use them now."

The bear (being greedy) went first, "I would like for every bear in this forest to be female except for me."

A magical sound and it was done.

Then the rabbit, "I would like a helmet."

This confused both the frog and the bear but after a magical sound, there was a helmet.

It was the bear's turn again. "I would like for every bear in the neighboring forest to be female."

A magical sound and it was done.

The rabbit went again, "I would like a motorcycle."

Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn't just ask for a lot of money with which he could buy himself a motorcycle but after awhile there was a magical sound and there was a motorcycle.

The bear took his last wish. "I would like for all the bears in the world to be female except for me."

A magical sound and it was done.

The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle and said "I wish the bear was gay." and took off like a bat out of hell

Wacky Towns

In searching for a town name for a story I am trying to write, I came across this web site that has a list of some crazy ass names for towns. I thought it was so interesting, I thought I would post it. This is taken right from the web site infoplease.com


"America's a big country. From the easternmost reaches of Maine to the western Alaska islands in the Bering Sea, these United States include towns with every imaginable name. We've collected some of the more surprising examples."

"Towns that boast . . .

• Beauty, KY
• Best, TX
• Bountiful, UT
• Carefree, AZ
• Celebration, FL
• Friendly, WV
• Happy Camp, CA
• Happyland, CT
• Ideal, GA
• Lovely, KY
• Luck Stop, KY
• Magic City, ID
• Paradise, MI
• Smileyberg, KS
• Success, MO
• What Cheer, IA

. . . and towns that don't.

• Boring, OR
• Dinkytown, MN
• Eek, AK
• Embarrass, WI
• Flat, TX
• Greasy, OK
• Gripe, AZ
• Hardscrabble, DE
• Hazard, KY
• Oddville, KY
• Okay, OK
• Ordinary, KY
• Peculiar, MO
• Sod, WV
• Why, AZ

Towns that make you hungry

• Bacon, IN
• Big Rock Candy Mountain, VT
• Buttermilk, KS
• Cheesequake, NJ
• Chocolate Bayou, TX
• Goodfood, MS
• Ham Lake, MN
• Hot Coffee, MS
• Lick Fork, VA
• Lickskillet, OH
• Mexican Water, AZ
• Oatmeal, TX
• Oniontown, PA
• Picnic, FL
• Pie Town, NM
• Sandwich, MA
• Spuds, FL
• Sugar City, ID
• Tea, SD
• Tortilla Flat, AZ
• Two Egg, FL

Towns that remind you of bugs and birds . . .

• Beebeetown, IA
• Bee Lick, KY
• Bird-in-Hand, PA
• Birds Eye, IN
• Black Gnat, KY
• Bugscuffle, TN
• Bumble Bee, AZ
• Chicken, AK
• Fleatown, OH
• Goose Pimple Junction, VA
• Parrot, KY
• Shoofly, NC
• Turkey, TX
• Turkey Scratch, AR

. . . and other creatures . . .

• Bear, DE
• Beaverdale, PA
• Dinosaur, CO
• Dog Walk, KY
• Fish Haven, ID
• Hippo, KY
• Horseheads, NY
• Hungry Horse, MT
• Mammoth, WV
• Monkey's Eyebrow, KY
• Possum Trot, KY
• Rabbit Shuffle, NC
• Squirrel Hill, PA
• Toad Suck, AR
• Trout, LA
• Viper, KY

. . . not to mention humankind.

• Bigfoot, TX
• Bowlegs, OK
• Brainy Boro, NJ
• Humansville, MO
• Left Hand, WV
• Shoulderblade, KY
• Stiffknee Knob, NC
• Sweet Lips, TN
• West Thumb, WY"

 Infoplease.com http://www.infoplease.com/spot/wackytowns.html#ixzz2IwpnLjzU

Crazy Thought

Another weird crazy thought in my head.

A crazy game parents play with their kids: pretending to eat them "because they are so yummy."  :P How did this come about? 

We pretend to be cannibalistic on our kids! For fun! And they enjoy it! I admit, it's fun on both ends but it's a really strange thing to play.

"Can I eat your toes/fingers? But they're so yummy. Nom nom nom" etc etc LOL

The things that seem harmless (and are harmless) until we sit there & think about it.  Once we think about it, it's like "what the hell kind of game/song (etc) is this?" then we continue to do it because it provides harmless entertainment to our kids. Life is so amusing. :D

Regrets

Regrets, a lot of us have them and some of us don't. For me, being completely honest here, there is only one thing I truly regret. That is letting my elementary school fuck me over in my last year there (more of that later). Other than that, I wouldn't change anything because it has made me who I am today. With that being said, I think it's still fun to sit here & think about the things I could change if I had the chance. That is what this is about.

One of the things that I would change if I could is my whole entire elementary & high school years. Ok maybe not everything in my high school years but some of it. In elementary school, I would have fought back with words to my bullies, entertained myself on the playground instead of sitting up against the wall feeling invisible. Spoke up more to my teachers, told on the teacher that bullied me with his anger & I wouldn't have allowed my school to toss me away when there was no more room in the 7th grade class room. See when there was no more room in the class, they put me & a few other minorities in the 6th grade to fend for ourselves instead of getting a bigger class room or splitting the one 7th grade into two different class rooms. I went from 6th grade twice to 8th grade. 

In high school, I would have tried out for badminton, tried harder to go to the prom, not have let my drama teacher make me feel stupid & I would have done that one skit for my drama class that would have caused me to cry a lot (it made me think of my grandfather that passed). I would have told one of my PE teachers to stick it when she told me that my asthma wouldn't act up during an exercise on the floor & for me to keep going. I also would have complained about her. When a dean threatened to suspend me if I went to him again about someone threatening me, I would have reported him along with the person that threatened me.

Away from school, I would have some how found a way to deal with the bullies at the apartments I lived in, would have tried to turn my friend's mom in for abuse, would have been more vocal to my family about how I was feeling about things instead of being to scared to speak up. I would have made someone listen. The people that have stolen from me pay in some way, report my next door neighbour to Social Services (doing drugs & having 2 young kids), Would have spoken more to a guy that was interested in me & I would have taken more time getting to know my dad's boyfriend turned husband. I would have gotten medicine a lot earlier for my asthma. I wouldn't have said certain things on the Internet or re-worded things. 

That is pretty much all that I would change in my fantasy world. When it comes down to it, I really wouldn't change anything. I am me for a reason. I may be having some struggles with certain things but I am very thankful for what I do have. Things could be worse. We can always pretend & dream of changing things from the past but that would change everything else including who we are today. All we can do is effect our future by learning & dealing with our past.

What Love Means To a Child

Here is another thing that was emailed to me a long time ago. I find it interesting & wanted to share.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 yr olds. What does love mean? The answers they got were broader & deeper than anyone could have imagined.

1) When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over & paint her toenails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca age 8

2)When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths. Billy age 4

3) Love is when a girl puts on perfume & a boy puts on shaving cologne & they go out & smell each other. Kari age 5

4) Love is when you go out to eat & give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy age 6

5) Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri age 4

6) Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy & she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is ok. Danny age 7

7) Love is when you kiss all the time. then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together & you talk more. My mommy & my daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss. Emily age 8

8) Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents & listen. Bobby age 7

9) If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. Nikka age 6

10) Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday. Noelle age 7

11) Love is like a little old woman & a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy age 6

12) During my piano recital, I was on stage & I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me & saw my daddy waving & smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. Cindy age 8 


13) My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night. Clare age 6


14) Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine age 5


15) Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly & sweaty & still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford. Chris age 7


16) Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. Mary Ann age 4


17) When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up & down & little stars come out of you. Karen age 7


18) Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet & doesn't think it's gross. Mark age 6


19) You really shouldn't say I LOVE YOU unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica age 8


And the winner was a 4 yr old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly man who had just lost his wife. When the child saw the man cry, the little boy went over into the man's yard & climbed on top of the man's lap & just sat there. When the boy's mother asked him what he'd said to th neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

Stuff that annoys me

A long time ago I received this in an email. Some of it is so true.


People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do I point to my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?


People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.   ME - although this can be true, sometimes you actually need the remote to change the channel if you have a cable box or a satellite box.


When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Screw off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it? What, should I eat someone's cake instead?


When people say "It's always in the last place you look." Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?


When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dickhorse. I paid $9 to come to the theater and stare at the frigging ceiling up there. What did you come here for?


When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.


When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole, you frigging pulled me over.


When people say "Life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What? Are they going to do something that's longer?


When people ask "Can I BORROW a piece of paper?" Sure, but please don't return the favor! It's one God damn piece of paper!


When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask you "Did the bus come yet?" If the bus came I would not be standing here asshole!


People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?


This person has some anger issues but it's still entertaining. 

So You Think You Know Everything

A long time ago I read this and kept it. I think it was sent to me in an email. I find it interesting and just thought I would post it here. I don't know how accurate  these things are or where the info came from but it's still pretty cool.

“Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with only the left hand and lollipop with your right.  

Maine is the only state whose name is  just one syllable. 

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.

“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters MT.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter of the alphabet.

The words ‘racecar,’ ‘kayak’ and ‘level’ are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous” - stupendous,
and hazardous, tremendous and horrendous.

There are two words in the English language that have five vowels in order – abstemious and facetious.

Typewriter is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of 
the keyboard.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A goldfish has a memory span of 3 sec.

A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time 1/100^th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Al Capone’s business card said was a used furniture dealer.

Almonds are the member of the peach family.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain.

Babies are born without  kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked in a line, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the flag flying over the parliament building is an American flag. 

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. 

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies room during a dance.