For this blog, I was inspired by a friend of mine. She went to Japan for a year through a program where she helps kids/people with language. She posts updates about her adventures there. This is the second time she has been there. She has also talked about some of the cultural differences like how they look at tattoos differently there and usually (not all but I guess a lot) if someone has one, it might mean they are in some kind of mob/gang so it's still seen as not that great to have one. Some people in Japan may want to get a tattoo but they are afraid to since there is a bad stigma about it.
One of the post I read today was about their pride fest. Yes apparently they have one but it's really different. It isn't huge crowds like it is here. That is pretty much the only place one can express themselves but still not completely. Some hide behind masks. At their pride there are 3 different groups that people get into like who doesn't care if their photo is taken, ones who don't want their photo taken and ones who dress up.
There still wasn't a lot of support since it is still looked down upon even though they have their version of a pride fest. Their parade is more of a march along the side of the road while cars are still going by. There were welcomes from passerby but it still is very different from what we experience here in the US. They may have freedoms there but not completely if they can't be who they are.
This got me thinking and wanting to write. Here in the US, we have freedoms. The freedom to say what we want, to dress how we want, to be who we are. We don't have to live in fear and shut down everything about ourselves. Yes we still have fear because for some reason there are people out there who bully, discriminate, have hate and create violence all because they don't like certain things. The catch, they have the freedom to express their hate (within the laws), we still have the freedom to be who we are.
We have forgotten that others are not so lucky. We have the freedom to kneel during the national anthem, to bare arms, to speak out when we don't like something, to be gay etc, to dress the way we want, to wear tattoos, to have our hair they way we want, marry who we want and so much more. Our soldiers fight for our freedoms.
We are so very lucky to have them. To live in a place where we can be ourselves without the worry of getting put in prison or killed just for simple little things. Women have the same rights as men where in other places they have next to none.
We sit here and argue and fight with each about if it's wrong for a football player to kneel during the anthem. Whether we think it's right or wrong, they have the right. We fight and argue about gun control. Even though there should be some kind of gun laws, them being too strict doesn't do a damn thing except take our rights away. We have the right to bare arms. To protect our family (I will save my thoughts on guns for another blog). We have the right to marry who we love. Despite if one thinks it's wrong, as humans, we have and deserve that right. We have the right to say what's on our minds even if it's bad things about our government or hate speech. We have the right.
When I hear people in their government offices debating and making laws that will take some our freedoms away just because THEY don't agree with something, it makes me sick. Our freedoms shouldn't be taken away just because someone in the oval office thinks it's immoral.
To everyone in the government, present and future: Just because you don't like something or don't agree with something, it doesn't give you the moral human right to take that freedom from everyone else. Laws should be made (some anyways) by what is human morally right, not by opinion.
We as the people need to make sure our government doesn't take our freedoms away. Even if we don't like something and think it's wrong, it doesn't mean everyone else needs to live that way. Rights/freedoms should never be taken away based on opinions. NEVER! We need to make sure we continue to live in a country where we are free. Sure we need laws to keep people in line and to take care of the bad people, I get that.
Please people, for heaven's sake, stop fighting over stupid things. We can disagree on something but always remember, WE HAVE THE FREEDOM, WE HAVE THE RIGHT. Let the football players kneel if they choose to, let someone in the army no matter their sexual orientation, let someone marry the person they love regardless on the sex, let everyone have the same rights, let women choose what they want/need to do with their own bodies. We need to continue to fight for freedoms and our rights even if we don't like some of those things. It's the human thing to do. We need to realize how good we have it, be thankful for it, fight for it.
Showing posts with label LGTB. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LGTB. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
Friday, June 30, 2017
Why Do We Come Out?
I was sitting here in my room, watching old youtube clips of Ellen DeGeneres coming out and/or speaking about it. I then asked myself, why do we have to come out? Why not just be who we are. Why can't we just love who we love and/or be who we are and not have to worry about coming out? Why do others wonder and feel they have to know who we love or the kind of lifestyle we live or what has happened to us?
Why do other people get surprised when we mention the kind of person we are? Why are they surprised about some of the things we have been through? Why do we feel the need to even mention it? Why can't we just talk about who we are like we talk about other things without someone batting an eye lash? Why can't we just be open about things without having to come out? Hell, why do some people judge even if they don't agree? One doesn't have to agree with something and still not judge.
Why can't we just be who we are without fear? It's very sad and depressing that we have to hide from ourselves and one another. It's sad that we have to "come out" as being who we are because everything is such a secret and looked down on. Every single one of us has "something" that we are "hiding". Whether being gay, bi, poly, pan, a sexual, our fetishes, being into bdsm, being abused, was raped, being bullied, have depression etc.
Even though being abused, was raped and so on isn't a lifestyle, it's still something that we "come out" about because there is still that fear of being judged. They are shameful secrets. Coming out can mean about anything.
So again I ask, why do we come out instead of just being who we are and have it be "normal"?
Why do other people get surprised when we mention the kind of person we are? Why are they surprised about some of the things we have been through? Why do we feel the need to even mention it? Why can't we just talk about who we are like we talk about other things without someone batting an eye lash? Why can't we just be open about things without having to come out? Hell, why do some people judge even if they don't agree? One doesn't have to agree with something and still not judge.
Why can't we just be who we are without fear? It's very sad and depressing that we have to hide from ourselves and one another. It's sad that we have to "come out" as being who we are because everything is such a secret and looked down on. Every single one of us has "something" that we are "hiding". Whether being gay, bi, poly, pan, a sexual, our fetishes, being into bdsm, being abused, was raped, being bullied, have depression etc.
Even though being abused, was raped and so on isn't a lifestyle, it's still something that we "come out" about because there is still that fear of being judged. They are shameful secrets. Coming out can mean about anything.
So again I ask, why do we come out instead of just being who we are and have it be "normal"?
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Fear Runs The Planet
Fear of the unknown, scary changes, things that are not the norm, and so much more tends to run the world. We are so scared of change. We as a society become so used to something that when things should change for the better, we think it's wrong, disgusting, not normal and we should just stick to the customs that we created centuries ago. We never stop to think that things need to change especially when it comes to human rights. All of us don't have to agree with everything nor participate in everything but we do need to stop being so judgmental, scared of the unknown, refuse change, stop letting fear take over our lives and let people be who they are without judgement.
Way back when, people didn't understand a woman's period. Women had to stay in bed the whole time and it was looked at as disgusting. Times changed once we got over the fear and now we see it as a natural thing and women no longer have to stay in bed (unless they choose to from discomfort or pain). Women stayed home to take of the house while men made the money. Now, women are out there making money too. There was segregation and mixed marriages were not allowed. Now we can marry of any color (even though it is still looked down upon for some reason) and segregation is gone. There are many other examples.
We were able to get over the fear to have these things change for the better. They definitely need some work still but there has been a lot of progress. There are a lot of other things that I feel we need to get over and work on as a society. Here are my top 10.
1) Breast feeding in public - I still don't understand why this is an issue. It's a mother's duty to feed her baby. Sometimes a baby doesn't like to be covered up especially when it's hot. There is nothing wrong with it at all even in public. There is nothing nasty about it and all kids see is a mom feeding her baby. I think it's about time we let mom's breast feed in public while the rest of us just don't worry about it. We fear our kids are going to see a boob. Why? They won't think anything of it. It's only us adults that it make it a "nasty, uncomfortable" thing. We can learn a lot from kids.
2) Women going topless - I personally wouldn't do this but I think women have the right to go topless if they choose to. Men do it so why can't women? Women's boobs get to be shown but god forbid if her nipple shows. This doesn't make sense one bit. The only difference between a man's "boobs" and women's boobs is one set is flat and the other are "swollen". Also, with women, they are looked at as a sexual thing. Men's nipples are a sexual thing to women and gay men so again I say, what is the difference? I just don't see why people are so afraid of this happening.
3) Porn - Why do we see this as a dirty thing? It's not just for men and no it does not degrade women. Too much of it can ruin a relationship but so can other things if done too much. What does it matter what people watch behind closed doors and why do some try to fight it so bad? It's just sex and some couples benefit from it. Some fear it will ruin relationships (it can but so can other things), it's a sin (some how I think God doesn't care if we watch people having sex) and other fears that it may stir up in someone.
4) Pot - For years we have been told pot is bad. It's a gateway drug. Even though I agree that one shouldn't sit there and smoke it all day long and that it can damage your brain cells, I also believe that part of the chemicals in pot actually help people. Pot isn't a gateway drug. If one wants to do other drugs, they will do them whether they first start out with pot or not. Pot doesn't hurt you like drinking does. Pot should be legal everywhere. Alcohol is far more dangerous and that is legal. Pot should be used as a medical thing even to kids (not the part that makes one high obviously). Instead of not fully understanding, fearing it and going against it, we need to find out the real information about it and let people do what they need to do (or want). It can be taxed and generate more money for the states. This law finally needs to be changed everywhere including by federal law. Many people can be helped from it.
5) BDSM/Fetishes - Let me first start off with fetishes. Everyone one of us has at least one. Some can be pretty odd but why should we judge what one is into if it doesn't hurt anyone? Again there is unnecessary judgement. As for BDSM, I still don't know why this is looked down on. People still have to hide what they are into for fear of judgement and other things. Some say it's disgusting, degrading and abuse. It's never those things IF there is consent and trust. There is a difference between abuse and BDSM. There are a lot of people out there that like to be tied up, spanked (sometimes really hard), gang banged and so much more. Nobody should have to hide from the things they like. Again it's all about consent. We need to stop making these things so bad when it really isn't. Every single one of us likes something freaky in the bedroom but just on different levels. There is so much fear and not understanding when it comes to this subject.
6) LGTB and more - I've talked about this before in other blogs. But I don't think I've talked about the fear part much. We as a society are used to living a certain way. When that way changes, we become fearful of it, not understanding it and hide behind our faith using it as a reason why we don't like it and how "it's a sin". NONE of the genders or "titles" of how someone lives their personal life is wrong in anyway. We can't help what we like. Some people like mayo while others like miracle whip. It's all who we are and nothing can change that. If someone is a certain way, they shouldn't have to force themselves to be different or to "get help". We need to start letting people be themselves. It doesn't effect us.
7) Prostitution - This profession is deemed disgusting, shameful and degrading. The only place in america that it's legal is in Nevada. My question is why? If one doesn't like prostitution, then don't look for one. It's not disgusting (people have sex all the time even with people they hardly know), there is no reason why it should be shameful and it's not degrading to women if they make the choice to do it. It needs to be legal everywhere with guidelines and taxed (again can bring money to states). The men need to wear condoms at all times, the girls (or guys) need to be tested every so often and they can't be on drugs or drunk (both the customers and prostitutes). Not only could it bring in more money, it would be safer for both the customer and the workers. Like pot, it's long overdue and needs to be legal.
8) Race - Just like anything else, I don't understand why this is even an issue. More so than anything else. The color of our skin is just our pigmentation being a different color. It has nothing to do with how we are as a person and/or how someone acts. Yes there very few differences on how certain groups of people behave but none of those things are good enough reasons to group someone a a category or be racist against them. Each individual is different and should be treated as such. Judge by someone's behavior, not by the color of their skin, religion and so on. This racist crap just needs to go away. Nobody is perfect neither is one race.
9) Transgender and bathrooms - This is one of the big ones where fear steps in and tries to rule of us. I just don't it. Transgender people have been using the bathroom that they identity with since, well forever. It's just something no one has talked about or thought about until the topic was brought up. Men have been sneaking into women's bathrooms to assault them, kidnap kids etc since public bathrooms were invented. Nothing will stop them from doing it including laws. Some people don't want men in the bathrooms with their little girls but if they have to uses the bathroom that they were born with, men will still be using the bathroom with little girls but on the outside they will look different. Men don't want to use the bathroom with women but they will be if people have to use the bathroom they were born with. Either way, there is going to be a mixed gender using the same bathroom. Hell there are times I wanted to use the men's bathroom because the ladies had a really long line and I had to pee too bad. If it wasn't against the law, I would have. People just need and want a place to pee and shit. They are not there to harm anyone or to cause trouble. The reason behind people's fear on why they want it illegal for trans to use their proper bathroom is just stupid and makes no sense (reasons above). If a man really wanted to sexually abuse a female, nothing will stop them and no it will not make it easier. People just need to get over themselves, stop letting fear rule them and let trans people use the bathroom they feel comfortable with.
10)Cussing/shielding our kids - I understanding teaching kids to not cuss until they get older. I understanding not letting them watch R rated movies etc. What I don't get is shielding them from everything "bad" thinking it will harm them. They will hear bad words. There isn't anything wrong with it as long as you teach them why they are bad and why they can't use them until they are older. It's not the end of the world if they happen to see a naked body part, find out about LGTB+ people or anything else. They understand more than we give them credit. Just explain things to them. They won't be corrupted, they won't die or anything if these things happen to them. If we are too afraid to expose them to certain things and shield them, they will learn or see these things else where without anyone explaining things to them that need to be explained. Also, it will make them want to go explore certain things on their own which can be dangerous. Fear can do more harm to our kids that it can protecting them.
Enough with the judgement. With the hate and being disrespectful. We are so much better than this. There needs to be more love instead of hate. We need to stop letting our fears take control and do more logical thinking and research. Stop letting religion dictate on what we think, believe and how we live our lives. There is nothing to fear of any of these things or anything else.
Why does any of this really matter to anyone? Fear is the enemy. It's like a disease. It's the dictatorship of us. We need to stop it dead in it's tracks. Fear is ahead of the game. We have to be bigger than fear. We need to be ahead. We need to look at it in the face and squish it. Fear is ruining this world and we are letting it. Why? Fear leads to hate, leads to uncertain, discomfort, judgement and violence. Fear is evil and destroys lives. We need to start kicking it out of our lives so the bad the things that come from it will no longer control the world.
Way back when, people didn't understand a woman's period. Women had to stay in bed the whole time and it was looked at as disgusting. Times changed once we got over the fear and now we see it as a natural thing and women no longer have to stay in bed (unless they choose to from discomfort or pain). Women stayed home to take of the house while men made the money. Now, women are out there making money too. There was segregation and mixed marriages were not allowed. Now we can marry of any color (even though it is still looked down upon for some reason) and segregation is gone. There are many other examples.
We were able to get over the fear to have these things change for the better. They definitely need some work still but there has been a lot of progress. There are a lot of other things that I feel we need to get over and work on as a society. Here are my top 10.
1) Breast feeding in public - I still don't understand why this is an issue. It's a mother's duty to feed her baby. Sometimes a baby doesn't like to be covered up especially when it's hot. There is nothing wrong with it at all even in public. There is nothing nasty about it and all kids see is a mom feeding her baby. I think it's about time we let mom's breast feed in public while the rest of us just don't worry about it. We fear our kids are going to see a boob. Why? They won't think anything of it. It's only us adults that it make it a "nasty, uncomfortable" thing. We can learn a lot from kids.
2) Women going topless - I personally wouldn't do this but I think women have the right to go topless if they choose to. Men do it so why can't women? Women's boobs get to be shown but god forbid if her nipple shows. This doesn't make sense one bit. The only difference between a man's "boobs" and women's boobs is one set is flat and the other are "swollen". Also, with women, they are looked at as a sexual thing. Men's nipples are a sexual thing to women and gay men so again I say, what is the difference? I just don't see why people are so afraid of this happening.
3) Porn - Why do we see this as a dirty thing? It's not just for men and no it does not degrade women. Too much of it can ruin a relationship but so can other things if done too much. What does it matter what people watch behind closed doors and why do some try to fight it so bad? It's just sex and some couples benefit from it. Some fear it will ruin relationships (it can but so can other things), it's a sin (some how I think God doesn't care if we watch people having sex) and other fears that it may stir up in someone.
4) Pot - For years we have been told pot is bad. It's a gateway drug. Even though I agree that one shouldn't sit there and smoke it all day long and that it can damage your brain cells, I also believe that part of the chemicals in pot actually help people. Pot isn't a gateway drug. If one wants to do other drugs, they will do them whether they first start out with pot or not. Pot doesn't hurt you like drinking does. Pot should be legal everywhere. Alcohol is far more dangerous and that is legal. Pot should be used as a medical thing even to kids (not the part that makes one high obviously). Instead of not fully understanding, fearing it and going against it, we need to find out the real information about it and let people do what they need to do (or want). It can be taxed and generate more money for the states. This law finally needs to be changed everywhere including by federal law. Many people can be helped from it.
5) BDSM/Fetishes - Let me first start off with fetishes. Everyone one of us has at least one. Some can be pretty odd but why should we judge what one is into if it doesn't hurt anyone? Again there is unnecessary judgement. As for BDSM, I still don't know why this is looked down on. People still have to hide what they are into for fear of judgement and other things. Some say it's disgusting, degrading and abuse. It's never those things IF there is consent and trust. There is a difference between abuse and BDSM. There are a lot of people out there that like to be tied up, spanked (sometimes really hard), gang banged and so much more. Nobody should have to hide from the things they like. Again it's all about consent. We need to stop making these things so bad when it really isn't. Every single one of us likes something freaky in the bedroom but just on different levels. There is so much fear and not understanding when it comes to this subject.
6) LGTB and more - I've talked about this before in other blogs. But I don't think I've talked about the fear part much. We as a society are used to living a certain way. When that way changes, we become fearful of it, not understanding it and hide behind our faith using it as a reason why we don't like it and how "it's a sin". NONE of the genders or "titles" of how someone lives their personal life is wrong in anyway. We can't help what we like. Some people like mayo while others like miracle whip. It's all who we are and nothing can change that. If someone is a certain way, they shouldn't have to force themselves to be different or to "get help". We need to start letting people be themselves. It doesn't effect us.
7) Prostitution - This profession is deemed disgusting, shameful and degrading. The only place in america that it's legal is in Nevada. My question is why? If one doesn't like prostitution, then don't look for one. It's not disgusting (people have sex all the time even with people they hardly know), there is no reason why it should be shameful and it's not degrading to women if they make the choice to do it. It needs to be legal everywhere with guidelines and taxed (again can bring money to states). The men need to wear condoms at all times, the girls (or guys) need to be tested every so often and they can't be on drugs or drunk (both the customers and prostitutes). Not only could it bring in more money, it would be safer for both the customer and the workers. Like pot, it's long overdue and needs to be legal.
8) Race - Just like anything else, I don't understand why this is even an issue. More so than anything else. The color of our skin is just our pigmentation being a different color. It has nothing to do with how we are as a person and/or how someone acts. Yes there very few differences on how certain groups of people behave but none of those things are good enough reasons to group someone a a category or be racist against them. Each individual is different and should be treated as such. Judge by someone's behavior, not by the color of their skin, religion and so on. This racist crap just needs to go away. Nobody is perfect neither is one race.
9) Transgender and bathrooms - This is one of the big ones where fear steps in and tries to rule of us. I just don't it. Transgender people have been using the bathroom that they identity with since, well forever. It's just something no one has talked about or thought about until the topic was brought up. Men have been sneaking into women's bathrooms to assault them, kidnap kids etc since public bathrooms were invented. Nothing will stop them from doing it including laws. Some people don't want men in the bathrooms with their little girls but if they have to uses the bathroom that they were born with, men will still be using the bathroom with little girls but on the outside they will look different. Men don't want to use the bathroom with women but they will be if people have to use the bathroom they were born with. Either way, there is going to be a mixed gender using the same bathroom. Hell there are times I wanted to use the men's bathroom because the ladies had a really long line and I had to pee too bad. If it wasn't against the law, I would have. People just need and want a place to pee and shit. They are not there to harm anyone or to cause trouble. The reason behind people's fear on why they want it illegal for trans to use their proper bathroom is just stupid and makes no sense (reasons above). If a man really wanted to sexually abuse a female, nothing will stop them and no it will not make it easier. People just need to get over themselves, stop letting fear rule them and let trans people use the bathroom they feel comfortable with.
10)Cussing/shielding our kids - I understanding teaching kids to not cuss until they get older. I understanding not letting them watch R rated movies etc. What I don't get is shielding them from everything "bad" thinking it will harm them. They will hear bad words. There isn't anything wrong with it as long as you teach them why they are bad and why they can't use them until they are older. It's not the end of the world if they happen to see a naked body part, find out about LGTB+ people or anything else. They understand more than we give them credit. Just explain things to them. They won't be corrupted, they won't die or anything if these things happen to them. If we are too afraid to expose them to certain things and shield them, they will learn or see these things else where without anyone explaining things to them that need to be explained. Also, it will make them want to go explore certain things on their own which can be dangerous. Fear can do more harm to our kids that it can protecting them.
Enough with the judgement. With the hate and being disrespectful. We are so much better than this. There needs to be more love instead of hate. We need to stop letting our fears take control and do more logical thinking and research. Stop letting religion dictate on what we think, believe and how we live our lives. There is nothing to fear of any of these things or anything else.
Why does any of this really matter to anyone? Fear is the enemy. It's like a disease. It's the dictatorship of us. We need to stop it dead in it's tracks. Fear is ahead of the game. We have to be bigger than fear. We need to be ahead. We need to look at it in the face and squish it. Fear is ruining this world and we are letting it. Why? Fear leads to hate, leads to uncertain, discomfort, judgement and violence. Fear is evil and destroys lives. We need to start kicking it out of our lives so the bad the things that come from it will no longer control the world.
Monday, July 6, 2015
LGTB - Not The Only Misunderstood
We have come a long way in life with excepting other people's differences. Some of those progresses include allowing women to vote and having them earn a living as well, blacks have rights, mixed marriages are legal (although sometimes still looked down on) and now the LGTB community have their rights to marry and so on. Other countries are slowly stepping up. This is all great and I hope I live to see every country have equal rights and marriage.
With the LGTB community getting more accepted, other things/people still get looked down upon. It not only boggles my mind that we CARE SO MUCH what goes on behind closed doors of other people's lives. Just because we don't understand something, don't agree or it's not for us, some of us think its wrong, disgusting and nobody should ever do it.
In this blog I want to break down other groups and talk about it. These things should be talked about instead of being hidden and stop being made to feel like these things/lifestyles are bad and dirty. I hate labels. I hate that we have to use them and that we feel the need to label everything and everyone. I am starting to realize that EVERYTHING has a label of some sort and we do need them to describe something or someone. So listed below is everything I can think of and I talk a little about each one. To get everything out there and to make us really think about things.
Genders - People who are born (yes born) a certain way, feel a certain way towards another and feel about themselves.
Gay/Lesbian - Same sex relationships. There are so many different reasons why some people don't support this. We are well on our way for this being accepted but we still have a lot of work to do. We have had ingrained in our heads that it's one man, one woman.
Straight - Obvious, opposite sex relationships. Still to a lot of people, this is normal.
Bi-Sexual - One can fall in love with either sex. The issues are the same as gay/lesbian. There are some issues though that they that gays don't. I keep seeing that bi's tend to get a little more hate for different reasons.
Transgender - When one feels like they are in the wrong body. This is some ways falls under the same as the other but I think there is more issues with this. It seems like some people have a harder time understanding transgender and they are having issues with marriage and stuff like what restrooms to use and when filling out paper work that ask for gender. They can feel even more isolated than bi and gays because it's harder for them to fit in to either sex especially if they haven't had surgeries. I can't imagine what it's like to have feelings of being in the wrong body and to have people look at you funny. There is still a longer ways to go for the trans community.
Lifestyle Choices - People who for some reason like/love what they like/love and choose to do. I guess in some way they too are born this way because one can never know WHY they like or hate something, they just do. At the same time, it's also a choice.
Porn - Watching scripted sex on the web, DVD's, stories and photos of naked people. So many people have issues with this and think pron is dirty and degrading. I don't understand why. It's just sex. There is nothing wrong with sex. There is nothing wrong with the human body. If one wants to show it off in photos, who are we to say no. Sex is enjoyable and some love to have to have it often so why not make money from it? It's not degrading at all. It's providing entertainment and sometimes helps couples explore different things to spice up their sex lives. As long as the adults making the videos consent, use protection and are treated well, there is nothing degrading or wrong. Nobody is making people watch it. I just don't know why this is considered dirty and wrong. Women are not being used as sex objects just like men are not being used as sex objects.
Stripping - For some reason this is another "dirty" thing. It seems to be more ok for men to strip than it is for women to strip but it's more of a secret for women to enjoy strippers (male or female) than it is for males to enjoy it. Men think women go ridiculously nuts at male strippers but yet they can get pretty bad themselves. Women get to strip all the way but guys can only strip down to their g-strings. First, again it's not degrading for women to strip. If men can do it, so can women. There is nothing wrong with at it all. Men like looking at women and women like looking at men. It's human nature for us so why not let there be money made from it? The only things I find wrong is that how some women get treated in the industry and that men can't strip all the way down. It's just bull. People shouldn't be ashamed for stripping and it really shouldn't be looked down on. If one doesn't like it, do go to one.
Posing Nude - This can be for art, for some kind of advertisement (books, advertise a sex toy etc) or just entertainment. Again, we like to look at the human naked body whether we want to admit it or not. It's in our nature. There is nothing wrong with it one bit. The human body can be an art form. This is also looked as dirty for some reason. If men do it, it's ok but if women do it, it's wrong. I will never understand this way of thinking. It really isn't right. If it's good for one sex, it's good for the other.
Sex For Money - Hookers/prostitutes, call girls etc. There are different names if this type of business and a lot of people see it as dirty and wrong. Nevada is the only state where it's legal (at least in some parts). I don't see why it can't be legal in other places. If it was, things can be more controlled. Women wouldn't be abused by their pimps, the drugs and STD's would be controlled so much better, overall, it would be better for women (and men) if it's was legal and controlled. It's not degrading either. Yes there are better jobs out there but sometimes it's very very difficult to get those jobs even with a good education. Sometimes life happens and one must do something to make money even for short term. Yes some get into it that wish they weren't but if it was a better environment and was to keep their money, they might feel a little better and could use the money they get to make their life better. This being another dirty secret doesn't help. It is up to everyone to decide what they want to do with their own bodies and they shouldn't be looked down upon for it. It's not shameful. The taxes from it could also help our states. We need to stop making this a dirty thing and make it legal everywhere and more safe for the women that do it.
Sex Toys - This is a hidden dirty secret that a lot of people feel ashamed about and feel they need to hide their sex toys (maybe not for all but enough). I don't get this either. Sex toys are not a dirty thing. It helps bring excitement and if one one doesn't have a partner, well there are toys to help satisfy yourself. Yet if someone was to find out that someone has them, it's looked at as gross and or weird.
Masturbation - Yes someone doesn't need to go around and talk about what they do to please themselves or if they do it but why is it shameful? Why do we make it to be so dirty? It feels good to have that sexual pleasure and if you don't have a partner or just can't find someone to have sex with, why not give yourself that release? Our bodies need that release (if we are not A sexual). Plus, it's good to know your body and what you like. Just about everyone does it so why is it dirty?
Lifestyles - People who are born this way and really feel about what they do. It's a need not a want in their life and they can't change it just like how one can't change their who they love (LGTB).
BDSM - I won't go too deep into this since I wrote a blog about it already. This is kinky sex/play: spanking, blindfold, restraints/tie up, needle play, wax play, and so many other things. So many look down on this kind of thing. They think it's wrong, abuse and disgusting behavior. I think this needs to be talked about more because there is nothing wrong doing kinky things to bring pleasure. Some things I don't understand how someone can get into a head-space by certain things but who am I to judge.
Pan-Sexual - When someone doesn't care the gender of someone, they can love any gender. This could also be in the genders. They see themselves for who they are but their love for someone has no gender. Male, female, trans; they don't care.
Polyandrous -When someone is in love or has a certain love for more than one person; a relationship with more than one person basically. Yes people can be born this way too. It's not a choice. People fall in love with more than one person and it doesn't make it the love any less. This isn't for anybody but if people are in this kind of relationship, there is nothing wrong as long as everyone agrees with it and there are no secrets etc.
Poly-Sexual- This is like polyandrous but isn't so focus on the relationship part as much. "Polysexuality is the attraction to multiple genders and/or sexes. A polysexual person is one "encompassing or characterized by many different kinds of sexuality."
Open Relationships - When a couple decides to date other people but still be involved with each other. I've heard different reasons why some couples do this. This doesn't work for everyone but I guess for some it does.
Monogamous - When someone wants to be with only one person at a time. This is considered to be the "normal" way of life yet there are too many cheaters.
Polygamy - When a man has more than one wife. This usually happens in religions. I think the only ones I see to be a bad thing is when they are in cults but consider to be religious and have abuse and controlling going on (like the FLDS). If everyone consents and there are no abuse and controlling going on, I don't see what they issue is.
A Sexual - When people are not interested in sex at all with anybody. I'm sure people that are A sexual get a lot of heat. Like any other person, they can't help what they are not into. They are who they are.
Swingers - When couples hook up with other couples. I'm sure there are different ways it happens like all four people together, they just switches partners for a night or whatever it is they agree on. I guess this would be more of lifestyle choices. I'm not sure. I haven't done much research on this (mostly due to personal reasons). Whether it's an actual choice or it's just who they are. I still don't see what the harm is if everyone consents to it. There's nothing wrong with it one bit.
All of these things/people get looked down upon for some reason. What's wrong is judging people for who they are. We as humans can't help what we like or are into, it's just the way we are born. Just because some may not agree or like it, doesn't make it wrong or disgusting. I am sure there are other lifestyles out there that I didn't list but that doesn't mean it's less important.
We need to not just fight for LGTB, but for everyone who is different than the "average" person. Every single person deserves to be happy and to live their life without judgement. If you really think about it, there is a little bit of these things already inside of all of us. There are just some that are more into certain things than others. We may never know why some people are into certain things or are a certain way; the brain is a very mysterious thing. There is one thing I do know and that's that we are born the way we are period. The only thing that we are not born with is prejudice, hate and with judgement. Those things are taught to us. It's about time we are free as humans with no fear to be ourselves.
These things will never lead to sex with animals, sex or marriage to kids, our kids won't be harmed by these things. Marriage won't and can't be harmed either, only cheating, abuse, divorce etc destroys marriages. Religion doesn't play apart in these things either especially since everyone has a different belief. Man brought religion into everything to try and justify how they live and what they believe. I could go more into this but I won't. I just think it's about time we start talking everything that's out there and be more open about life. Stop the hate and lets be free to be who we really are.
With the LGTB community getting more accepted, other things/people still get looked down upon. It not only boggles my mind that we CARE SO MUCH what goes on behind closed doors of other people's lives. Just because we don't understand something, don't agree or it's not for us, some of us think its wrong, disgusting and nobody should ever do it.
In this blog I want to break down other groups and talk about it. These things should be talked about instead of being hidden and stop being made to feel like these things/lifestyles are bad and dirty. I hate labels. I hate that we have to use them and that we feel the need to label everything and everyone. I am starting to realize that EVERYTHING has a label of some sort and we do need them to describe something or someone. So listed below is everything I can think of and I talk a little about each one. To get everything out there and to make us really think about things.
Genders - People who are born (yes born) a certain way, feel a certain way towards another and feel about themselves.
Gay/Lesbian - Same sex relationships. There are so many different reasons why some people don't support this. We are well on our way for this being accepted but we still have a lot of work to do. We have had ingrained in our heads that it's one man, one woman.
Straight - Obvious, opposite sex relationships. Still to a lot of people, this is normal.
Bi-Sexual - One can fall in love with either sex. The issues are the same as gay/lesbian. There are some issues though that they that gays don't. I keep seeing that bi's tend to get a little more hate for different reasons.
Transgender - When one feels like they are in the wrong body. This is some ways falls under the same as the other but I think there is more issues with this. It seems like some people have a harder time understanding transgender and they are having issues with marriage and stuff like what restrooms to use and when filling out paper work that ask for gender. They can feel even more isolated than bi and gays because it's harder for them to fit in to either sex especially if they haven't had surgeries. I can't imagine what it's like to have feelings of being in the wrong body and to have people look at you funny. There is still a longer ways to go for the trans community.
Lifestyle Choices - People who for some reason like/love what they like/love and choose to do. I guess in some way they too are born this way because one can never know WHY they like or hate something, they just do. At the same time, it's also a choice.
Porn - Watching scripted sex on the web, DVD's, stories and photos of naked people. So many people have issues with this and think pron is dirty and degrading. I don't understand why. It's just sex. There is nothing wrong with sex. There is nothing wrong with the human body. If one wants to show it off in photos, who are we to say no. Sex is enjoyable and some love to have to have it often so why not make money from it? It's not degrading at all. It's providing entertainment and sometimes helps couples explore different things to spice up their sex lives. As long as the adults making the videos consent, use protection and are treated well, there is nothing degrading or wrong. Nobody is making people watch it. I just don't know why this is considered dirty and wrong. Women are not being used as sex objects just like men are not being used as sex objects.
Stripping - For some reason this is another "dirty" thing. It seems to be more ok for men to strip than it is for women to strip but it's more of a secret for women to enjoy strippers (male or female) than it is for males to enjoy it. Men think women go ridiculously nuts at male strippers but yet they can get pretty bad themselves. Women get to strip all the way but guys can only strip down to their g-strings. First, again it's not degrading for women to strip. If men can do it, so can women. There is nothing wrong with at it all. Men like looking at women and women like looking at men. It's human nature for us so why not let there be money made from it? The only things I find wrong is that how some women get treated in the industry and that men can't strip all the way down. It's just bull. People shouldn't be ashamed for stripping and it really shouldn't be looked down on. If one doesn't like it, do go to one.
Posing Nude - This can be for art, for some kind of advertisement (books, advertise a sex toy etc) or just entertainment. Again, we like to look at the human naked body whether we want to admit it or not. It's in our nature. There is nothing wrong with it one bit. The human body can be an art form. This is also looked as dirty for some reason. If men do it, it's ok but if women do it, it's wrong. I will never understand this way of thinking. It really isn't right. If it's good for one sex, it's good for the other.
Sex For Money - Hookers/prostitutes, call girls etc. There are different names if this type of business and a lot of people see it as dirty and wrong. Nevada is the only state where it's legal (at least in some parts). I don't see why it can't be legal in other places. If it was, things can be more controlled. Women wouldn't be abused by their pimps, the drugs and STD's would be controlled so much better, overall, it would be better for women (and men) if it's was legal and controlled. It's not degrading either. Yes there are better jobs out there but sometimes it's very very difficult to get those jobs even with a good education. Sometimes life happens and one must do something to make money even for short term. Yes some get into it that wish they weren't but if it was a better environment and was to keep their money, they might feel a little better and could use the money they get to make their life better. This being another dirty secret doesn't help. It is up to everyone to decide what they want to do with their own bodies and they shouldn't be looked down upon for it. It's not shameful. The taxes from it could also help our states. We need to stop making this a dirty thing and make it legal everywhere and more safe for the women that do it.
Sex Toys - This is a hidden dirty secret that a lot of people feel ashamed about and feel they need to hide their sex toys (maybe not for all but enough). I don't get this either. Sex toys are not a dirty thing. It helps bring excitement and if one one doesn't have a partner, well there are toys to help satisfy yourself. Yet if someone was to find out that someone has them, it's looked at as gross and or weird.
Masturbation - Yes someone doesn't need to go around and talk about what they do to please themselves or if they do it but why is it shameful? Why do we make it to be so dirty? It feels good to have that sexual pleasure and if you don't have a partner or just can't find someone to have sex with, why not give yourself that release? Our bodies need that release (if we are not A sexual). Plus, it's good to know your body and what you like. Just about everyone does it so why is it dirty?
Lifestyles - People who are born this way and really feel about what they do. It's a need not a want in their life and they can't change it just like how one can't change their who they love (LGTB).
BDSM - I won't go too deep into this since I wrote a blog about it already. This is kinky sex/play: spanking, blindfold, restraints/tie up, needle play, wax play, and so many other things. So many look down on this kind of thing. They think it's wrong, abuse and disgusting behavior. I think this needs to be talked about more because there is nothing wrong doing kinky things to bring pleasure. Some things I don't understand how someone can get into a head-space by certain things but who am I to judge.
Pan-Sexual - When someone doesn't care the gender of someone, they can love any gender. This could also be in the genders. They see themselves for who they are but their love for someone has no gender. Male, female, trans; they don't care.
Polyandrous -When someone is in love or has a certain love for more than one person; a relationship with more than one person basically. Yes people can be born this way too. It's not a choice. People fall in love with more than one person and it doesn't make it the love any less. This isn't for anybody but if people are in this kind of relationship, there is nothing wrong as long as everyone agrees with it and there are no secrets etc.
Poly-Sexual- This is like polyandrous but isn't so focus on the relationship part as much. "Polysexuality is the attraction to multiple genders and/or sexes. A polysexual person is one "encompassing or characterized by many different kinds of sexuality."
Open Relationships - When a couple decides to date other people but still be involved with each other. I've heard different reasons why some couples do this. This doesn't work for everyone but I guess for some it does.
Monogamous - When someone wants to be with only one person at a time. This is considered to be the "normal" way of life yet there are too many cheaters.
Polygamy - When a man has more than one wife. This usually happens in religions. I think the only ones I see to be a bad thing is when they are in cults but consider to be religious and have abuse and controlling going on (like the FLDS). If everyone consents and there are no abuse and controlling going on, I don't see what they issue is.
A Sexual - When people are not interested in sex at all with anybody. I'm sure people that are A sexual get a lot of heat. Like any other person, they can't help what they are not into. They are who they are.
Swingers - When couples hook up with other couples. I'm sure there are different ways it happens like all four people together, they just switches partners for a night or whatever it is they agree on. I guess this would be more of lifestyle choices. I'm not sure. I haven't done much research on this (mostly due to personal reasons). Whether it's an actual choice or it's just who they are. I still don't see what the harm is if everyone consents to it. There's nothing wrong with it one bit.
All of these things/people get looked down upon for some reason. What's wrong is judging people for who they are. We as humans can't help what we like or are into, it's just the way we are born. Just because some may not agree or like it, doesn't make it wrong or disgusting. I am sure there are other lifestyles out there that I didn't list but that doesn't mean it's less important.
We need to not just fight for LGTB, but for everyone who is different than the "average" person. Every single person deserves to be happy and to live their life without judgement. If you really think about it, there is a little bit of these things already inside of all of us. There are just some that are more into certain things than others. We may never know why some people are into certain things or are a certain way; the brain is a very mysterious thing. There is one thing I do know and that's that we are born the way we are period. The only thing that we are not born with is prejudice, hate and with judgement. Those things are taught to us. It's about time we are free as humans with no fear to be ourselves.
These things will never lead to sex with animals, sex or marriage to kids, our kids won't be harmed by these things. Marriage won't and can't be harmed either, only cheating, abuse, divorce etc destroys marriages. Religion doesn't play apart in these things either especially since everyone has a different belief. Man brought religion into everything to try and justify how they live and what they believe. I could go more into this but I won't. I just think it's about time we start talking everything that's out there and be more open about life. Stop the hate and lets be free to be who we really are.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Arguments On Gay Articles
I am sure I wrote something similar to this but this time I'm not going to talk about my feelings on people who are gay, but I am going to talk about my feelings on the comments/arguments I see on blogs that talk about people who are gay.
I don't know why I read comments on articles that has to do with the topic of people who are gay. It used to really piss me off but now I actually find them amusing. Sometimes yes, I get pissed about the ignorance but I have come to terms that there will always be racism of every kind. This doesn't mean that I nor anyone else shouldn't stand up for what's right but when it comes to comments on a website, sometimes it's better to ignore them. Some are there for attention, some are there to just state their opinion and others look for conflict so they can say how much they are correct and everyone else is wrong. It's kinda like people watching for me but on the web and I see the conversations instead of making up my own stories.
The comments always start out with arguing if being gay is a sin and/or wrong, or if it's not. Then very quickly it turns into an argument about religion; interpretations of the bible, if there really is a God and so on.
People sometimes start "yelling", cussing each other out and calling each other names. It's like they actually loose site in what their God really stands for (or just respect if one doesn't believe in a God). They start saying things that don't make any sense, they talk about the things they were most likely taught as a kid instead of taking a deep look into things and coming up with their own thoughts. A lot people also think they are correct and everyone else is wrong and stupid. It gets pretty crazy and stupid if you ask me.
Even though I now become mostly amused by everything, I also shake my head. I am always wondering why can't we argue about more important things? Do we really have to resort in name calling and think others are stupid just because they have different beliefs? Why do we feel the need to try and prove we are right? Why do we think that what we believe is right and others are wrong? Why can't we just respect each other? Open minds people, open minds.
I don't want to get deep into God and the bible but it does make me go "wow" at how many different interpretations there are about religion, how everyone thinks they are correct, forget that there are many different beliefs out there which none is right or wrong. It's the actions and how we treat other that really make something right or wrong. Some people get so hostile about it too. Again I ask why?
Other things I see a lot in comments are the crazy things that people believe to be true about gay people (I'm not calling the people crazy, just the words that come out of their mouths or in this case fingers). Where in the hell do some of them get their information and why do they believe it? Did something so horrible happen in their life to think theses things? Why can't they pick apart their accusations and realize what they say makes no sense? Why is it hard for some to admit they are wrong? I really do wonder about some people sometimes.
I know in writing this, I can't change everyone but I do hope some take a real hard look at themselves, how they treat others and why do they REALLY believe in some of the things they do. Maybe even try to think outside the box and come up with their own thoughts instead of what they have been taught by others. We also need to be truly educated on things before saying crazy "truths". Acknowledge others differences, accept it and most important, always show respect.
I don't know why I read comments on articles that has to do with the topic of people who are gay. It used to really piss me off but now I actually find them amusing. Sometimes yes, I get pissed about the ignorance but I have come to terms that there will always be racism of every kind. This doesn't mean that I nor anyone else shouldn't stand up for what's right but when it comes to comments on a website, sometimes it's better to ignore them. Some are there for attention, some are there to just state their opinion and others look for conflict so they can say how much they are correct and everyone else is wrong. It's kinda like people watching for me but on the web and I see the conversations instead of making up my own stories.
The comments always start out with arguing if being gay is a sin and/or wrong, or if it's not. Then very quickly it turns into an argument about religion; interpretations of the bible, if there really is a God and so on.
People sometimes start "yelling", cussing each other out and calling each other names. It's like they actually loose site in what their God really stands for (or just respect if one doesn't believe in a God). They start saying things that don't make any sense, they talk about the things they were most likely taught as a kid instead of taking a deep look into things and coming up with their own thoughts. A lot people also think they are correct and everyone else is wrong and stupid. It gets pretty crazy and stupid if you ask me.
Even though I now become mostly amused by everything, I also shake my head. I am always wondering why can't we argue about more important things? Do we really have to resort in name calling and think others are stupid just because they have different beliefs? Why do we feel the need to try and prove we are right? Why do we think that what we believe is right and others are wrong? Why can't we just respect each other? Open minds people, open minds.
I don't want to get deep into God and the bible but it does make me go "wow" at how many different interpretations there are about religion, how everyone thinks they are correct, forget that there are many different beliefs out there which none is right or wrong. It's the actions and how we treat other that really make something right or wrong. Some people get so hostile about it too. Again I ask why?
Other things I see a lot in comments are the crazy things that people believe to be true about gay people (I'm not calling the people crazy, just the words that come out of their mouths or in this case fingers). Where in the hell do some of them get their information and why do they believe it? Did something so horrible happen in their life to think theses things? Why can't they pick apart their accusations and realize what they say makes no sense? Why is it hard for some to admit they are wrong? I really do wonder about some people sometimes.
I know in writing this, I can't change everyone but I do hope some take a real hard look at themselves, how they treat others and why do they REALLY believe in some of the things they do. Maybe even try to think outside the box and come up with their own thoughts instead of what they have been taught by others. We also need to be truly educated on things before saying crazy "truths". Acknowledge others differences, accept it and most important, always show respect.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Having A Gay Parent
There is always talk about same sex couples raising kids. What you don't hear enough about is the kids that have gay parents. I am here to talk about my story.
If you have read my other blog Coming Out In My Family , you will know that my father is gay. Because in the 60's and 70's being gay was something one just didn't talk about, it made it harder for my dad to be who he was. Like a lot of LGTB people then, he tried to not be gay. He married my mom and a year later I was born. He struggled with it the whole time. Then in the early 80's, my sister was born. By this time he knew he couldn't change and accepted who he was. My parents split.
When he told me he was gay, I was about 10 or 11 years old. I knew what being gay meant, I just didn't understand it. Hell, I didn't even understand about straight relationships. I just knew that my dad was who he was and he couldn't change that. I knew a lot of people hated people who were gay and there was a lot of violence towards anyone who was. It was all over the news. Yes those things still go on today but not like they did back then.
I felt sad for my dad and scared. Sad because I knew things would be harder for him and I didn't want that. Scared because I didn't want someone to beat him up or worse. I was also afraid of how I might be treated in school since I was already being bullied.
At some point I decided to tell the few friends I had. Luckily they didn't care. Thank God their parents didn't care either. I never got bullied because I had a gay father, it was just other things like I was too skinny, I couldn't play sports etc etc.
My father never threw his relationships "in my face" so to speak. Even if it was something I saw all the time, it wouldn't have made a bit of difference if the person he was dating was male or female, I would have still felt the same. I was only introduced to two people. The first didn't work out. The second guy did and was amazing.
He did everything he could to make my sister and I feel welcome. He was one of the sweetest guys you could ever meet. He treated my dad with respect and my sister and I with respect. He treated us like his own daughters. He made my dad happy. Those are the things that really mattered. There are too many boyfriend/girlfriend's of single parents that treat the kids like crap. I would rather have my dad (or mom for that matter) be in a relationship with someone who was/is respectful than to be in one that is abusive.
When we would be out in public, there would be times I would wonder what would happen if someone found out that my dad and the other guy were a couple. Sometimes I wouldn't want anyone to know. I knew there was nothing wrong with two guys being in a relationship but knowing how other people felt about it made me uncomfortable. I know all of this is one of the reasons why some people say gay couples shouldn't have children. The thing is, one it was a different time (the 80's) and two, it didn't damage me at all. I was just more aware of things and I was already a child with low self esteem. Plus, the negative things that some people throw out can make anyone feel uncomfortable, child or adult.
My father and this guy got married but wasn't legal since back then it wasn't allowed anywhere. I didn't attend because I lived in a different state. Was it hard? Yes but not because my dad was marrying another guy. It was hard because he was marrying another person that wasn't my mom. I was about 18 or 19 but it was still hard. I just never dealt with any of feelings I had about my parents splitting up.
Fast forward to today. I am not broken or damaged by having a gay parent. Yes I was raised by my mom and still had my dad in my life but that's not the point. Even if I was raised by my dad, I would still be just fine. I haven't "turned gay", I don't sit here and think "it's cool to be gay" and any other myth you want to throw out can be, well thrown out. I can tell you that I would rather have a gay parent(s) than not have any at all. My father never abused me, he didn't abandoned me and he isn't sitting in a prison somewhere where I can only see him through bars and/or glass. I was taught the same things as any other child growing up.
I was shown and taught about love. That love comes in all different ways and is not prejudiced, only people are. I just want my dad to be happy. That is what really matters. I am grateful that my dad found that special someone. Unfortunately he lost his life and couldn't marry my dad legally.
To anyone who sits there and says that a kid having two moms or dads is not good for the child needs to get educated more on the subject. How about talking to kids who are in the situation or adults who grew up with same sex parents. We will tell you that it's really ok. Kids don't care if they have 1 parent or 2, 2 moms or 2 dads; they just care about being loved, supported and to be protected. So to deny a child a loving home who doesn't have parents is the real damage. The only people care seem to care who a child lives with is other adults.
I think some adults have forgotten what it's like to be child and how it feels. Children are not stupid. They know more than they are given credit. They are curious about the world and we need to educate them on the different people and lifestyles even if we don't agree to some of them. We need to stop sheltering them from little things and shelter them from the bigger things. Children tend not to judge so why do we as adults?
Some might say that kids don't know what's best for themselves. I call bullshit. Yes we know more but kids do know what they need and want. Just ask them. Ask them if they would rather have 2 parents of the same sex or no parents at all (or in jail etc etc). I guarantee you they will say they would rather have 2 same sex parents.
Some might say that there is a risk of sexual abuse. I think there needs to be more education on this subject as well. People are people no matter what. They will sexual abuse a child no matter straight or gay. Most abusers that go after the same sex are straight. Ask them. Has anyone? Probably not. Do real research before speaking on the subject.
How about, "they will get teased/bullied", well guess what, the bullying is going to happen no matter what the subject is. We can't protect our children from everything. "It's not a normal family". What is a normal family? Where parents fight all the time, are abusive, uncaring, drugs and so forth? Please people, stop with the crazy nonsense. Talk to actual kids and adults that grew up with gay parents. Let a child go to a loving home no matter who the parents are. They WILL be ok. Remember, the sad thing is and the real damage is not letting a child have a loving home and protecting them from things they don't need protect from.
If you have read my other blog Coming Out In My Family , you will know that my father is gay. Because in the 60's and 70's being gay was something one just didn't talk about, it made it harder for my dad to be who he was. Like a lot of LGTB people then, he tried to not be gay. He married my mom and a year later I was born. He struggled with it the whole time. Then in the early 80's, my sister was born. By this time he knew he couldn't change and accepted who he was. My parents split.
When he told me he was gay, I was about 10 or 11 years old. I knew what being gay meant, I just didn't understand it. Hell, I didn't even understand about straight relationships. I just knew that my dad was who he was and he couldn't change that. I knew a lot of people hated people who were gay and there was a lot of violence towards anyone who was. It was all over the news. Yes those things still go on today but not like they did back then.
I felt sad for my dad and scared. Sad because I knew things would be harder for him and I didn't want that. Scared because I didn't want someone to beat him up or worse. I was also afraid of how I might be treated in school since I was already being bullied.
At some point I decided to tell the few friends I had. Luckily they didn't care. Thank God their parents didn't care either. I never got bullied because I had a gay father, it was just other things like I was too skinny, I couldn't play sports etc etc.
My father never threw his relationships "in my face" so to speak. Even if it was something I saw all the time, it wouldn't have made a bit of difference if the person he was dating was male or female, I would have still felt the same. I was only introduced to two people. The first didn't work out. The second guy did and was amazing.
He did everything he could to make my sister and I feel welcome. He was one of the sweetest guys you could ever meet. He treated my dad with respect and my sister and I with respect. He treated us like his own daughters. He made my dad happy. Those are the things that really mattered. There are too many boyfriend/girlfriend's of single parents that treat the kids like crap. I would rather have my dad (or mom for that matter) be in a relationship with someone who was/is respectful than to be in one that is abusive.
When we would be out in public, there would be times I would wonder what would happen if someone found out that my dad and the other guy were a couple. Sometimes I wouldn't want anyone to know. I knew there was nothing wrong with two guys being in a relationship but knowing how other people felt about it made me uncomfortable. I know all of this is one of the reasons why some people say gay couples shouldn't have children. The thing is, one it was a different time (the 80's) and two, it didn't damage me at all. I was just more aware of things and I was already a child with low self esteem. Plus, the negative things that some people throw out can make anyone feel uncomfortable, child or adult.
My father and this guy got married but wasn't legal since back then it wasn't allowed anywhere. I didn't attend because I lived in a different state. Was it hard? Yes but not because my dad was marrying another guy. It was hard because he was marrying another person that wasn't my mom. I was about 18 or 19 but it was still hard. I just never dealt with any of feelings I had about my parents splitting up.
Fast forward to today. I am not broken or damaged by having a gay parent. Yes I was raised by my mom and still had my dad in my life but that's not the point. Even if I was raised by my dad, I would still be just fine. I haven't "turned gay", I don't sit here and think "it's cool to be gay" and any other myth you want to throw out can be, well thrown out. I can tell you that I would rather have a gay parent(s) than not have any at all. My father never abused me, he didn't abandoned me and he isn't sitting in a prison somewhere where I can only see him through bars and/or glass. I was taught the same things as any other child growing up.
I was shown and taught about love. That love comes in all different ways and is not prejudiced, only people are. I just want my dad to be happy. That is what really matters. I am grateful that my dad found that special someone. Unfortunately he lost his life and couldn't marry my dad legally.
To anyone who sits there and says that a kid having two moms or dads is not good for the child needs to get educated more on the subject. How about talking to kids who are in the situation or adults who grew up with same sex parents. We will tell you that it's really ok. Kids don't care if they have 1 parent or 2, 2 moms or 2 dads; they just care about being loved, supported and to be protected. So to deny a child a loving home who doesn't have parents is the real damage. The only people care seem to care who a child lives with is other adults.
I think some adults have forgotten what it's like to be child and how it feels. Children are not stupid. They know more than they are given credit. They are curious about the world and we need to educate them on the different people and lifestyles even if we don't agree to some of them. We need to stop sheltering them from little things and shelter them from the bigger things. Children tend not to judge so why do we as adults?
Some might say that kids don't know what's best for themselves. I call bullshit. Yes we know more but kids do know what they need and want. Just ask them. Ask them if they would rather have 2 parents of the same sex or no parents at all (or in jail etc etc). I guarantee you they will say they would rather have 2 same sex parents.
Some might say that there is a risk of sexual abuse. I think there needs to be more education on this subject as well. People are people no matter what. They will sexual abuse a child no matter straight or gay. Most abusers that go after the same sex are straight. Ask them. Has anyone? Probably not. Do real research before speaking on the subject.
How about, "they will get teased/bullied", well guess what, the bullying is going to happen no matter what the subject is. We can't protect our children from everything. "It's not a normal family". What is a normal family? Where parents fight all the time, are abusive, uncaring, drugs and so forth? Please people, stop with the crazy nonsense. Talk to actual kids and adults that grew up with gay parents. Let a child go to a loving home no matter who the parents are. They WILL be ok. Remember, the sad thing is and the real damage is not letting a child have a loving home and protecting them from things they don't need protect from.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Coming Out In My Family
I usually don't like to go deep into my personal life over the internet but I feel the need to do this. The topic 'gay' has been hot for awhile and continues. It's a good thing though; the more we talk about it, the more the issue the world has with it can be dealt with.
My parents split up when I was about 10 years old. I didn't understand why. When I was around 11 (I think) is when I found out why. He sat me down and told me he was gay. I don't remember the entire conversation. At the time, rumors were going around that Michael Jackson was gay. I never cared if he was or wasn't. So when he sat me down, he said "Your mom told me that you don't care if Michael Jackson is gay." I told him I didn't care and something along the lines of because he is still a human being, it's who he is etc. My parents taught me to treat everyone with respect no matter color, size, religion, rich or poor etc etc. Then he said ".....I'm gay". I don't remember the words before it.
I broke down and cried and hugged him. I knew the world didn't accept people who were gay and I remember hearing stories of people getting beat up or killed just because they were "different". This scared me. Because of people being so cruel, I didn't want my dad to be gay, not because I thought there was something wrong with it. I was also being bullied at school (most of my entire elementary school years) so I was also scared that the kids at school would find out and bully me even more. I was scared of what people thought.
At some point I made the decision to tell the friends I did have. I don't know why but I felt I had to tell them. I was terrified. I thought they would not want to be my friend anymore. If I lost them, I would have no one. I can only imagine that this is what it must be like for someone coming out. Thank God my friends didn't care. I am very thankful for their support. Their parents didn't care either.
Since I was 11, I didn't understand relationships, straight or gay. I knew my dad didn't chose to be gay. I think I was still confused about things. I didn't want anyone to know outside of who already did. My dad met a guy. He was one of the sweetest people you could ever meet. He accepted my sister and I. Anytime all of us went anywhere, I would wonder if people knew. Were they judging? What did they think? Would we be kicked out of places? My dad ended up getting married to this guy (I will leave his name out). I didn't attend because I was living in Colorado. The marriage wasn't legal at the time. Unfortunately my step-dad passed away before they could marry legally. I never really got to know him they way I wish I could have. I was shy and always concerned about others around me. I think I was uneasy because I knew people around me were. It took me a long time to not give a crap what others think.
My dad told his family except his mom. He grew up in a religious family. His mom probably would have been very upset and maybe not want anything to do with him. She was also old and I think my dad just didn't want to upset her. I don't think I truly know why he didn't tell his mom. Maybe because he wanted to keep her in his life. In order to do so, he hid himself from his mom. She knew his husband but only as a friend. I know this hurt him.
Jump several years into the future. I'm married with two step sons. We've always told them that we didn't care if they were gay, straight, bi etc. We would still love them just as much. My oldest one day sat on the couch and we started talking about different things. Then he just came out and said "I'm bi and I am dating a guy." All I said was "ok." We talked a little more and that was it. He said even though we told him we didn't care, he still had a hard time telling me/us. He still thought we would throw him out.
When I hear of stories of parents disowning their children because they are gay, it pisses me off. I can't understand how a parent, their flesh and blood, toss their kid out like yesterday's trash just because they like the same sex. Whatever happened to unconditional love? A parent will never like some of the things their kids do or their choices in life. A parent doesn't have to like that their child is gay (and even think it's wrong) but can still keep them in their lives and love them. NOTHING will get me to disown my kids and I didn't even give birth to them. I just don't get it.
I still get scared for my dad's and son's life sometimes (and for anybody else that I care about that are gay). I don't go around announcing to everyone they are gay but I don't hide it either. I am in more of acceptance of where I come from, of who I am. I really hope one day nobody will have to come out. I hope it will no longer matter who someone gets married to or sleeps with. That we can just learn to let people live their own lives and stop the stupid things that go around about people who are gay. I hope there will no longer be labels for people. That everyone everywhere can be treated equally (well in some countries women I think will never be treated equal but I think you get what I mean).
In the end, people are people. It doesn't matter where one comes from, rich, poor, different colors and religions, gay, straight, bi or transgender. We are still all humans. Even if you think it's unnatural, disgusting, a sin or what have you, we're still all human and need to be treated with respect. No one has to like what others do but who's business is it how someone lives? Who's business is it if someone "commits a sin"? We should be allowed to live a happy life and the way we want. Would you want someone to judge you? To treat you like crap because of who you are? To beat the crap out of you just because you live a different life than others?
So this is my story of coming out in my family. My thoughts and feelings. I want to thank everyone who has accepted me after knowing about my dad and son. Thank you to my family who have accepted my dad. Without your support, his life would have been hell and lord knows how things would have turned out. My love, heart and positive energy to everyone who has a story like mine, who has struggled or is struggling with themselves. xo
My parents split up when I was about 10 years old. I didn't understand why. When I was around 11 (I think) is when I found out why. He sat me down and told me he was gay. I don't remember the entire conversation. At the time, rumors were going around that Michael Jackson was gay. I never cared if he was or wasn't. So when he sat me down, he said "Your mom told me that you don't care if Michael Jackson is gay." I told him I didn't care and something along the lines of because he is still a human being, it's who he is etc. My parents taught me to treat everyone with respect no matter color, size, religion, rich or poor etc etc. Then he said ".....I'm gay". I don't remember the words before it.
I broke down and cried and hugged him. I knew the world didn't accept people who were gay and I remember hearing stories of people getting beat up or killed just because they were "different". This scared me. Because of people being so cruel, I didn't want my dad to be gay, not because I thought there was something wrong with it. I was also being bullied at school (most of my entire elementary school years) so I was also scared that the kids at school would find out and bully me even more. I was scared of what people thought.
At some point I made the decision to tell the friends I did have. I don't know why but I felt I had to tell them. I was terrified. I thought they would not want to be my friend anymore. If I lost them, I would have no one. I can only imagine that this is what it must be like for someone coming out. Thank God my friends didn't care. I am very thankful for their support. Their parents didn't care either.
Since I was 11, I didn't understand relationships, straight or gay. I knew my dad didn't chose to be gay. I think I was still confused about things. I didn't want anyone to know outside of who already did. My dad met a guy. He was one of the sweetest people you could ever meet. He accepted my sister and I. Anytime all of us went anywhere, I would wonder if people knew. Were they judging? What did they think? Would we be kicked out of places? My dad ended up getting married to this guy (I will leave his name out). I didn't attend because I was living in Colorado. The marriage wasn't legal at the time. Unfortunately my step-dad passed away before they could marry legally. I never really got to know him they way I wish I could have. I was shy and always concerned about others around me. I think I was uneasy because I knew people around me were. It took me a long time to not give a crap what others think.
My dad told his family except his mom. He grew up in a religious family. His mom probably would have been very upset and maybe not want anything to do with him. She was also old and I think my dad just didn't want to upset her. I don't think I truly know why he didn't tell his mom. Maybe because he wanted to keep her in his life. In order to do so, he hid himself from his mom. She knew his husband but only as a friend. I know this hurt him.
Jump several years into the future. I'm married with two step sons. We've always told them that we didn't care if they were gay, straight, bi etc. We would still love them just as much. My oldest one day sat on the couch and we started talking about different things. Then he just came out and said "I'm bi and I am dating a guy." All I said was "ok." We talked a little more and that was it. He said even though we told him we didn't care, he still had a hard time telling me/us. He still thought we would throw him out.
When I hear of stories of parents disowning their children because they are gay, it pisses me off. I can't understand how a parent, their flesh and blood, toss their kid out like yesterday's trash just because they like the same sex. Whatever happened to unconditional love? A parent will never like some of the things their kids do or their choices in life. A parent doesn't have to like that their child is gay (and even think it's wrong) but can still keep them in their lives and love them. NOTHING will get me to disown my kids and I didn't even give birth to them. I just don't get it.
I still get scared for my dad's and son's life sometimes (and for anybody else that I care about that are gay). I don't go around announcing to everyone they are gay but I don't hide it either. I am in more of acceptance of where I come from, of who I am. I really hope one day nobody will have to come out. I hope it will no longer matter who someone gets married to or sleeps with. That we can just learn to let people live their own lives and stop the stupid things that go around about people who are gay. I hope there will no longer be labels for people. That everyone everywhere can be treated equally (well in some countries women I think will never be treated equal but I think you get what I mean).
In the end, people are people. It doesn't matter where one comes from, rich, poor, different colors and religions, gay, straight, bi or transgender. We are still all humans. Even if you think it's unnatural, disgusting, a sin or what have you, we're still all human and need to be treated with respect. No one has to like what others do but who's business is it how someone lives? Who's business is it if someone "commits a sin"? We should be allowed to live a happy life and the way we want. Would you want someone to judge you? To treat you like crap because of who you are? To beat the crap out of you just because you live a different life than others?
So this is my story of coming out in my family. My thoughts and feelings. I want to thank everyone who has accepted me after knowing about my dad and son. Thank you to my family who have accepted my dad. Without your support, his life would have been hell and lord knows how things would have turned out. My love, heart and positive energy to everyone who has a story like mine, who has struggled or is struggling with themselves. xo
Friday, December 21, 2012
Against Gay Marriage Companies
These days you hear a lot about companies & organizations being against same sex marriage. Then comes along whether to donate to that organization or to support that company by spending your money at a certain place. Some may chastise you for not supporting these places or for supporting these places. There is the question of what is really the right thing to do. Should one boycott a company/organization for their right to believe what they feel is right or should one just brush it off?
Everyone has their own thoughts & feelings about this subject. It just amazing that we can sit here & focus on something like if should support or not support these places instead on focusing on more important things in life. Everyone wants to play their part in life, to help or even to not care. Hey, it's not a bad thing; after all we are all human & all of this is human instinct. Survival of the fittest if you will.
Here is my take on it. We all have a choice. We can choose to support or not to support. What we shouldn't do is judge someone who is making their choice for their own personal reasons. I personally wouldn't work for a company knowing that they have strong religious beliefs that might effect me. Would I give money to that company knowing they give money to fight against same sex marriage? Most likely not but then again it depends on the company.
Take for instance Chick-fill-A. I don't think their food is that great, I don't have to go there for something only they sell so I don't bother. I heard Hobby Lobby craft store is run by highly religious people. I wouldn't work there but since they are the closest craft store to me & I do a lot of crafts, I have to shop there.
The Salvation Army is another company that people have been back & forth on. Some still give their money to them & some refuse to do so all the while we sit back & argue how right or wrong whatever choice we make. I myself have battled with this one. Just yesterday I made the choice to give my loose change to the red bucket. For me it has come down to this: They help ANYBODY who is homeless & just in need of help. Why should the people that need help suffer just because the organization has different beliefs than me? Now if they were to help only those who are straight & was just vicious about everything, then yes I could see not giving them any money. As far as I know, they do nothing of the sort so why not help out people who are in need? By giving them money, I feel like I am going against those I care about that are gay. If I don't give them money, I feel bad that I am refusing to give help to those that really need it. I am still battling this one myself.
What it comes down to; every person, every company/organization has their own right & beliefs. We shouldn't put anybody down or make them feel less just because we do not agree with how they feel. Trying to boycott them is to much. These places have a right just like anybody else. They need to put food on the table too. We can simply choose not to support them, doesn't mean we have to fight with others & them just because we disagree. We should focus our energy on things that we can really change. As for something like the Salvation Army, again it's up to anyone to give them money. If they are not actively discriminating anyone (psychically harming or refusing help etc), we should continue to help those who have less than us.
Instead lets get schools to stop treating our kids like freaks & make sure they do their job to protect kids; teach our kids that there are different people in the world & even if we may not agree with how they live, they still have rights & are humans who should be treated with respect. Focus on organizations that actually do harm to others. Focus on more important issues.
Everyone has their own thoughts & feelings about this subject. It just amazing that we can sit here & focus on something like if should support or not support these places instead on focusing on more important things in life. Everyone wants to play their part in life, to help or even to not care. Hey, it's not a bad thing; after all we are all human & all of this is human instinct. Survival of the fittest if you will.
Here is my take on it. We all have a choice. We can choose to support or not to support. What we shouldn't do is judge someone who is making their choice for their own personal reasons. I personally wouldn't work for a company knowing that they have strong religious beliefs that might effect me. Would I give money to that company knowing they give money to fight against same sex marriage? Most likely not but then again it depends on the company.
Take for instance Chick-fill-A. I don't think their food is that great, I don't have to go there for something only they sell so I don't bother. I heard Hobby Lobby craft store is run by highly religious people. I wouldn't work there but since they are the closest craft store to me & I do a lot of crafts, I have to shop there.
The Salvation Army is another company that people have been back & forth on. Some still give their money to them & some refuse to do so all the while we sit back & argue how right or wrong whatever choice we make. I myself have battled with this one. Just yesterday I made the choice to give my loose change to the red bucket. For me it has come down to this: They help ANYBODY who is homeless & just in need of help. Why should the people that need help suffer just because the organization has different beliefs than me? Now if they were to help only those who are straight & was just vicious about everything, then yes I could see not giving them any money. As far as I know, they do nothing of the sort so why not help out people who are in need? By giving them money, I feel like I am going against those I care about that are gay. If I don't give them money, I feel bad that I am refusing to give help to those that really need it. I am still battling this one myself.
What it comes down to; every person, every company/organization has their own right & beliefs. We shouldn't put anybody down or make them feel less just because we do not agree with how they feel. Trying to boycott them is to much. These places have a right just like anybody else. They need to put food on the table too. We can simply choose not to support them, doesn't mean we have to fight with others & them just because we disagree. We should focus our energy on things that we can really change. As for something like the Salvation Army, again it's up to anyone to give them money. If they are not actively discriminating anyone (psychically harming or refusing help etc), we should continue to help those who have less than us.
Instead lets get schools to stop treating our kids like freaks & make sure they do their job to protect kids; teach our kids that there are different people in the world & even if we may not agree with how they live, they still have rights & are humans who should be treated with respect. Focus on organizations that actually do harm to others. Focus on more important issues.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Gay Marriage & Racism Part 2
Now about the kids & parents. Our kids have such a hard time
growing up, trying to figure themselves out, discover life, to be accepted. Why
should we make it harder for them? It is our duty to explain & teach them
about life even if we don't agree with some of it. It is our duty to love them unconditionally, no if ands or
buts. If you throw in any of those, the love is not unconditional. I am a
parent myself and have a bi son. I can't even imagine looking him in the eye
& telling him that he is no longer my son, there is something wrong with
him & whatever else parents say. As parents we don't have to agree with our
kid's life style, what they do as a career, how they dress and so on. We should still love them, respect them and be there for them NO MATTER WHAT. They are apart of us after-all. Are some of us afraid to admit that our child is gay & born that way because it might mean there is "something wrong" with us or we did something wrong?
Being gay is not something you can beat out, change with
electroshock therapy, any other therapy, a camp or anything else. Even if
you think one can change and not be gay anymore, doing these things to our kids
is so inhumane, disgusting and well just freakin' horrible. I understand if some follow a religion, believe what they believe & if their kid thinks different how one might feel betrayed & afraid what others might think. To me it still doesn't make it right to treat kids so horrible. Kids should come before ANYTHING. We are adults, who the hell cares what others think? Family is more important. We were once kids too with the same feelings, remember what that was like?
Things have changed. We are no longer afraid to talk about differences in people. Kids, they have it harder. Not only do they get teased in school, it now goes viral. This makes it so much worse. This means they can never get away from the bullying. What we should be teaching our kids is acceptance of ourselves no matter the outcome. We need to let kids be who they are even if we don't like it. To many kids are killing themselves because of the torture they go through. Would you rather have your kid alive , finding their own way in life & still be apart of them or to loose them to suicide, drugs or running away? What is more important to you? We need to protect our kids better, stop letting others make our decisions for us & step up to what is humanly right.
To those that say gay people, same sex marriage etc hurts our kids, how does it? All kids need to see is two loving people who respect each other, how to be in a loving relationship, how to treat others & the one you are with, how a relationship works. Those are the things that are important. Two people of the same sex can have those things & teach their kids that. After-all they are human like anybody else with the same feelings, goals, frustrations as anybody else. My sister & I grew up with a gay parent & we came out ok. It taught us things instead of hurting us. Today so many straight couples are cheating, treating each other like crap, getting a divorce & so on. What is that teaching our kids?
I could go on and comment about everything little thing. Bottom line, everyone needs to stop trying to control others. If you don't like how someone is, fine but don't be rude about it, try to change them and try to stop them from having rights. Every single one of us are human and deserve the right to live a happy a life. If you are so disgusted about something, maybe you should look deep down and try to figure why it bothers you how someone else lives that doesn't effect you, REALLY look. We evolve as time goes on, laws need to change with it. It's about time everyone has the same rights. I saw a video today that can pretty much sum this up (posted below). Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Take care everyone.
To those that say gay people, same sex marriage etc hurts our kids, how does it? All kids need to see is two loving people who respect each other, how to be in a loving relationship, how to treat others & the one you are with, how a relationship works. Those are the things that are important. Two people of the same sex can have those things & teach their kids that. After-all they are human like anybody else with the same feelings, goals, frustrations as anybody else. My sister & I grew up with a gay parent & we came out ok. It taught us things instead of hurting us. Today so many straight couples are cheating, treating each other like crap, getting a divorce & so on. What is that teaching our kids?
I could go on and comment about everything little thing. Bottom line, everyone needs to stop trying to control others. If you don't like how someone is, fine but don't be rude about it, try to change them and try to stop them from having rights. Every single one of us are human and deserve the right to live a happy a life. If you are so disgusted about something, maybe you should look deep down and try to figure why it bothers you how someone else lives that doesn't effect you, REALLY look. We evolve as time goes on, laws need to change with it. It's about time everyone has the same rights. I saw a video today that can pretty much sum this up (posted below). Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Take care everyone.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Gay Marriage & Racism Part 1
Before I get deep into this blog, I first want to point out that I think everyone has the right to believe what they want, to be in any religion and to feel what they want. It's what makes us human, makes us different & we have the freedom to do so.
(NOTE: I have to do this in 2 parts)
(NOTE: I have to do this in 2 parts)
Lately I have been more and more disgusted at what I have been hearing people say about people who are gay and that they want the right to marry.The fact that we have to even have this discussion is stupid. I mean, we sit here & talk about how everyone is created equal and yet we deny certain rights to people that we don't happen to like at the moment. Women had to fight to have rights, blacks had to fight for their rights and now people who are gay have to fight for their rights. To me it's all disgusting behavior (having certain people to fight for rights) that us humans have created for no real reason except to hate on others that are different, that we don't understand and that we may not agree with.
Are we really that self centered to think what we believe is the correct way and that we are better than others because of it? What makes this world great is that there are all kinds of different people. We all look different, talk different, act different, have different religious beliefs or none at all, live different lives. If we were all the same or very similar, life would be way to boring. No one is better than the other, no religion is the right religion, we are all human no matter what.
Now lets talk about marriage. Without getting religion involved, marriage is a commitment between two people who love each other deeply & wants to share their lives with each other until they die. It's about respect, communication and understanding. They want to have a family (or sometimes not), to be connected & not alone. Every human on the planet wants these things. I took religion out of it because not everyone is religious but still gets married. It still means the exact thing. Way before Christ, people didn't get married, they just had sex to populate the earth. Marriage then came about. Kids as young as, well birth, got thrown into arranged marriages for different reasons. No real love there. Over time, it has changed to what we know now. There are still different marriages & I am not just talking about same sex marriages. The only people that can define marriage as a religious thing is those who are religious.As long as both parties agree & they are of the right age, all marriage is the same, commitment & love.
When did we get the right to tell others how to live & who to love? What makes us so special to dictate others? What makes us better than others to where we have to degrade those who are "less" than us? Are we really that unhappy with ourselves (and afraid to admit it) that we feel the need to be in other people's business? What bout our children? What message are we sending them with all this hate & bigotry? And please don't say it isn't hate, bigotry etc because it is. Look it up.
(continue in part 2.......coming soon)
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