Regrets

Regrets, a lot of us have them and some of us don't. For me, being completely honest here, there is only one thing I truly regret. That is letting my elementary school fuck me over in my last year there (more of that later). Other than that, I wouldn't change anything because it has made me who I am today. With that being said, I think it's still fun to sit here & think about the things I could change if I had the chance. That is what this is about.

One of the things that I would change if I could is my whole entire elementary & high school years. Ok maybe not everything in my high school years but some of it. In elementary school, I would have fought back with words to my bullies, entertained myself on the playground instead of sitting up against the wall feeling invisible. Spoke up more to my teachers, told on the teacher that bullied me with his anger & I wouldn't have allowed my school to toss me away when there was no more room in the 7th grade class room. See when there was no more room in the class, they put me & a few other minorities in the 6th grade to fend for ourselves instead of getting a bigger class room or splitting the one 7th grade into two different class rooms. I went from 6th grade twice to 8th grade. 

In high school, I would have tried out for badminton, tried harder to go to the prom, not have let my drama teacher make me feel stupid & I would have done that one skit for my drama class that would have caused me to cry a lot (it made me think of my grandfather that passed). I would have told one of my PE teachers to stick it when she told me that my asthma wouldn't act up during an exercise on the floor & for me to keep going. I also would have complained about her. When a dean threatened to suspend me if I went to him again about someone threatening me, I would have reported him along with the person that threatened me.

Away from school, I would have some how found a way to deal with the bullies at the apartments I lived in, would have tried to turn my friend's mom in for abuse, would have been more vocal to my family about how I was feeling about things instead of being to scared to speak up. I would have made someone listen. The people that have stolen from me pay in some way, report my next door neighbour to Social Services (doing drugs & having 2 young kids), Would have spoken more to a guy that was interested in me & I would have taken more time getting to know my dad's boyfriend turned husband. I would have gotten medicine a lot earlier for my asthma. I wouldn't have said certain things on the Internet or re-worded things. 

That is pretty much all that I would change in my fantasy world. When it comes down to it, I really wouldn't change anything. I am me for a reason. I may be having some struggles with certain things but I am very thankful for what I do have. Things could be worse. We can always pretend & dream of changing things from the past but that would change everything else including who we are today. All we can do is effect our future by learning & dealing with our past.