15 Years

15 years may seem a long time but it goes by so fast that it doesn't feel like a long time. It's weird how so many things can happen & change in a short time let alone a long time. I am bringing this up because next month I would be married for 15 years. Another thing that happened 15 years ago, Savage Garden hit the air waves with their hit songs including 'Truly Madly Deeply'.

With these two things & turning 40 next week, I have been thinking a lot about things. In 15 years I have gotten married,  my husband got custody of his kids, lost a baby at 3 weeks. I lost my grandma & Aunt in the same year & just a few months apart. Went from a crappy tiny apartment to owning a house & now loosing the house. Lost 4 businesses & filed for bankruptcy. Got my first dog (a yellow lab) and lost her 2 years ago. My husband & I have grown closer even through our ups & downs.

Then there is me personally. I went from being depressed & just floating through life to realizing that I was depressed, why & trying to fix it. Putting myself out there & made a few friends in other states. Making mistakes, feeling things I never felt before, discovering myself. Trying to accept myself & continuing to grow & push myself even at 40. 

I have interacted with my longest crush Donnie Wahlberg, have experienced a new adventure being a Darren Hayes fan. These 2 things have also helped me in discovering myself & trying to overcome things. Who would have thought 15 yrs ago that I or anybody for that matter could interact with people from around the world in real time including people you admire. 

These past 15 yrs have had a lot of ups & downs but I am still standing. Watching my step-sons grow & seeing my sister get married. So much has happened & sometimes blows my mind. I can't wait to see what life has to bring me in the next 15 yrs & beyond. 

Misc History: The Hula Hoop

When I was a kid, I used to love the hula hoop. I would be able to do it on my neck, arm, waist & I think around my foot. Now I probably couldn't do it but oh the fun. I know they still make them but they are not as popular along with other older toys & that's a shame. I was curious to how the hula hoop became to be. It's pretty simple really but here is what I found.


In 1957, wood rings were being made & sold in retail stores in Australia. This caught the attention of a toy company called Wham-o ( I remember that brand).


In 1958, Richard P. Knerr & Arthur K. Melin from the Wham-o company out out plastic colored hoops & it has been in our lives ever since. Some people can do some amazing things with the hula hoop. Now they have ones that light up creating amazing lights when done in the dark.


So that is how the hula hoop came into our lives. But what about the past? I mean the idea had to come from somewhere. Here is that history.


It is known that 1000 B.C., kids in Egypt would play with circular hoops from grape vines & stiff grass. A stick was also used to move it along the ground. 


In the 14th century, it was called 'hooping'. Apparently some people got hurt with dislocated backs & heart attacks from hooping. The word 'hula' came into place for the toy in the 1800's when British sailors went to the Hawaiian islands & saw that hula dancing was like hooping. 


When Knerr & Melin created them for their company, they would take them to playgrounds, show them what to do & gave the kids a free hula hoop. It caught on & they made millions. 


I find it interesting how things are created & that something some simple catches on & people make millions from it. Now why can't I do that? lol I got my info from this site:


http://www.ideafinder.com/history/inventions/hulahoop.htm


A skimmed another site that pretty much said the same thing, just not in so much detail. I am working on doing the history of view masters. There is a lot of info & I am in the middle of other things but hope I can get to it soon. :) Thanks for taking the time to read my blog.

School Bus Monitor Bullied

I might be a little late but today I saw the video of the school bus monitor getting bullied by junior high students.  I am so disgusted by this video. Things like this is nothing new but we are just more aware of it due to cameras & the Internet. It's still disturbing to see this go on. 


Anybody who seems "weak" no matter the age, always become a target for something. I guess the one doing the damage needs to feel better about themselves or sees something about them in the victim that they don't like so they lash out to feel better.  I saw a comment saying how by the looks of Karen, she deserves to be picked on. Really? I can't understand this thought process. No matter how someone looks, they are human, have feelings & deserves to be treated with respect. I do admit that ALL of us say certain things or thinks certain things when we see people but it is kept to ourselves or to whoever we are talking to. It's just part of being human. That doesn't mean we need to take that step forward & become asses/inhuman.


I feel so bad for Karen & want to give her a big hug. I do have questions though. I heard her say that she doesn't like confrontation, how can she be a monitor if she can't deal with confrontation? I am not good with it either so I know what she means. Why didn't the bus driver pull over to help Karen out? Why didn't Karen get up to tell the bus driver to pull over to kick the kids off the bus? She didn't need to result in violence or anything to deal with the situation. Why didn't the school district make sure she knew how to handle situations before putting her on the bus as a monitor?  To me right there is stupidest thing & is on their part. I mean you can't hire someone to do a job like that without making sure they know how to handle the things they will need to handle. I would also like to know if the school district told Karen what she could & could not do to handle things. I'm thinking probably not because it seemed like she was unsure what to do without getting into trouble herself (from seeing an interview with her).


What if this happened to their (the kids) grandma, mom or someone else they love? They would be really pissed off. The kids need to be taught a hard lesson & not just with a slap on the wrist. The law needs to step in even if Karen doesn't want to press charges. If they just get a slap on the wrist, they will continue to bully other people. I know there are different reasons for kids (even other adults) to bully people but it's not an excuses. I know it will never end. At the same time I think it's about time things change when it comes to letting these bullies know that they can't have this kind of behavior & how wrong it is. In my fantasy world, they will be in a room with someone bulling them until they break down. Hell maybe that's why they do it themselves. In reality, things just need to change about we as humans treat each other & how we just let things happen without speaking up.  As parents we need to teach our kids to be respectful to each other, to respect themselves so they can behave better.

Meds & Such

This is a small rant about meds. I have been thinking of doing an actual blog about it & still might do a more proper one in the future. Until then, here is a small one.


There is one thing I am tired of & that is medicine costing way more than it should. Some need them for a little awhile & some need them to survive. Prices keep going up making it harder & harder for us to afford what we need to help us get through the day. It's stupid & it sucks. Who else is tired of money hungry people? I know I am. They remind me of Pac-Man, gobbling up all the money they can get.


Me, I need inhalers to survive. It's only 2 but still. One I am supposed to take everyday & that runs anywhere from $145-$200 depending on where you get it! How can one afford this? Some may have health insurance but sometimes even that doesn't help.


My other rant, scientist can cure certain illnesses, they do it all the time. Yet, some of the simple things that are out there are not cured. Why? Oh yeah, because the drug people make to much money off of us & would rather have that than actually helping cure certain things. If they really tried, I am sure they can cure the common cold, asthma & other things in the like. I mean they almost have slowed down the process and/or have almost cured aids, able to beat a lot of caners (if detected in time)so why not these other things? I know I don't exactly know how these things works but seriously, even if something wouldn't normally kill us, that doesn't mean it shouldn't have a cure.


Clinics. There needs to more low priced clinics around for people that can't afford the doctors. The people inside need to be nicer and oh yeah, when you have to jack up the cost for a check-up, shouldn't you make sure the client knows before hand? I go to my asthma doctor & find out they went from $45 to $75 in like a year! They didn't tell me this over the phone & I had to end up walking out because I don't have $75 to get in. I am need of these inhalers so I can breath.


I don't know what the right thing to do about health care & medicine but so far what the government has been doing isn't working. It really sucks & really needs a big change.

What Love Means To a Child

Here is another thing that was emailed to me a long time ago. I find it interesting & wanted to share.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 yr olds. What does love mean? The answers they got were broader & deeper than anyone could have imagined.

1) When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over & paint her toenails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca age 8

2)When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths. Billy age 4

3) Love is when a girl puts on perfume & a boy puts on shaving cologne & they go out & smell each other. Kari age 5

4) Love is when you go out to eat & give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy age 6

5) Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri age 4

6) Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy & she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is ok. Danny age 7

7) Love is when you kiss all the time. then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together & you talk more. My mommy & my daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss. Emily age 8

8) Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents & listen. Bobby age 7

9) If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. Nikka age 6

10) Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday. Noelle age 7

11) Love is like a little old woman & a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy age 6

12) During my piano recital, I was on stage & I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me & saw my daddy waving & smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. Cindy age 8 


13) My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night. Clare age 6


14) Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine age 5


15) Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly & sweaty & still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford. Chris age 7


16) Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. Mary Ann age 4


17) When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up & down & little stars come out of you. Karen age 7


18) Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet & doesn't think it's gross. Mark age 6


19) You really shouldn't say I LOVE YOU unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica age 8


And the winner was a 4 yr old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly man who had just lost his wife. When the child saw the man cry, the little boy went over into the man's yard & climbed on top of the man's lap & just sat there. When the boy's mother asked him what he'd said to th neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

My Mask

This blog is going to be a very personal. I got the idea to write about my mask, a mask that people wear, from a Darren Hayes' song & video 'Stupid Mistake' also from things he has said about it. I don't normally open myself up like this but maybe someone else will see this that is going through the same thing & won't feel so alone, so here it goes.


I've worn my mask all my life. Only showing myself to the few. Why have I put one one? I was picked on & bullied at school and where I lived. Even by a couple of teachers. I was made to feel stupid & slow by my peers & my school. Telling me I had a learning disability when all I needed was a little extra help. Spending everyday at recess alone, sitting up against the wall. Dodge ball was hell. I was left to fend for myself (learning wise)in the 7th grade by placing me back in 6th because the 7th grade class was to full(at the time my elementary went from K-7 and high school 8-12). I never got that 7th grade education. I was always cast aside even by my older cousins because they were teens & didn't want a little kid around. I so get it now & don't hold it against them but the damage was done since I didn't get it then. I was constantly made to feel there was something wrong with me.I never went to my prom & only the creepy guys showed interest in me. I almost had a boyfriend when I was 17 but he left because I barley spoke. I had my mask on, to scared, embarrassed, had to protect myself.


As I slowly remove the mask, I find myself making mistakes. Mistakes that sometimes shows something I'm really not without meaning to. Not knowing how to express myself, feeling relaxed enough to just be me, to just communicate. I try my best, feeling scared, always questioning myself. Wondering if what I'm saying is stupid, boring, to weird, drama, to much about me or just wrong. When trying to not question myself & just do, is when I sometimes make those bad mistakes, not realizing it until after. It being to late, just want to hide with embarrassment.


For some, being behind the mask makes them be someone they are not. For me it's different. It is more of a protection. I am never fake. Just revealing small pieces of me while hiding the rest. Finding it overwhelming to say the simplest things, mind goes blank only to sometimes come up with something way after the conversation is over. Sometimes I babble which can be just as bad. Being in a group of people, I am the one who sits behind the glass wall. Watching everyone else. With one person that I don't know well, I still have my mask on. My "protection" mask. What comes so natural and easy to most, is very difficult for me.


I try not to be so afraid to take it off even just a little. I try to just go with it. If I think to much about it, I will talk myself out of things. When I try not to do that, again that's when the big mistakes happen. When it's off, I feel naked & vulnerable. Seeing my reflection without it isn't good either (that is another "story"). Trying to peel it away until it's gone is one of the most hardest & scariest things ever. No one wants to feel alone, lost, just there, pushed aside or judged. Yet  we feel it behind our mask. Whenever I try to reveal myself even just a little, most of the time it doesn't work. My mask holds me back. Today for this blog, I have taken off my mask.

Gay Marriage & Racism Part 2

Now about the kids & parents. Our kids have such a hard time growing up, trying to figure themselves out, discover life, to be accepted. Why should we make it harder for them? It is our duty to explain & teach them about life even if we don't agree with some of it. It is our duty to love them unconditionally, no if ands or buts. If you throw in any of those, the love is not unconditional. I am a parent myself and have a bi son. I can't even imagine looking him in the eye & telling him that he is no longer my son, there is something wrong with him & whatever else parents say. As parents we don't have to agree with our kid's life style, what they do as a career, how they dress and so on. We should still love them, respect them and be there for them NO MATTER WHAT. They are apart of us after-all. Are some of us afraid to admit that our child is gay & born that way because it might mean there is "something wrong" with us or we did something wrong? 

Being gay is not something you can beat out, change with electroshock therapy, any other therapy, a camp or anything else. Even if you think one can change and not be gay anymore, doing these things to our kids is so inhumane, disgusting and well just freakin' horrible. I understand if some follow a religion, believe what they believe & if their kid thinks different how one might feel betrayed & afraid what others might think. To me it still doesn't make it right to treat kids so horrible. Kids should come before ANYTHING. We are adults, who the hell cares what others think? Family is more important. We were once kids too with the same feelings, remember what that was like?

Things have changed. We are no longer afraid to talk about differences in people. Kids, they have it harder. Not only do they get teased in school, it now goes viral. This makes it so much worse. This means they can never get away from the bullying. What we should be teaching our kids is acceptance of ourselves no matter the outcome. We need to let kids be who they are even if we don't like it. To many kids are killing themselves because of the torture they go through. Would you rather have your kid alive , finding their own way in life & still be apart of them or to loose them to suicide, drugs or running away? What is more important to you? We need to protect our kids better, stop letting others make our decisions for us & step up to what is humanly right.


To those that say gay people, same sex marriage etc hurts our kids, how does it? All kids need to see is two loving people who respect each other, how to be in a loving relationship, how to treat others & the one you are with, how a relationship works. Those are the things that are important. Two people of the same sex can have those things & teach their kids that. After-all they are human like anybody else with the same feelings, goals, frustrations as anybody else. My sister & I grew up with a gay parent & we came out ok. It taught us things instead of hurting us. Today so many straight couples are cheating, treating each other like crap, getting a divorce & so on. What is that teaching our kids?


I could go on and comment about everything little thing. Bottom line, everyone needs to stop trying to control others. If you don't like how someone is, fine but don't be rude about it, try to change them and try to stop them from having rights. Every single one of us are human and deserve the right to live a happy a life. If you are so disgusted about something, maybe you should look deep down and try to figure why it bothers you how someone else lives that doesn't effect you, REALLY look. We evolve as time goes on, laws need to change with it. It's about time everyone has the same rights. I saw a video today that can pretty much sum this up (posted below). Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Take care everyone.