This is going to be a long one and in two parts. I did a lot of brain storming and had the urge to write. Yesterday I looked at a 'Life' magazine from 1992. In it they showed some of the greatest artist '40 yrs of rock n' roll'. It had me thinking. Thinking about music and everything else. How much life has changed over the yrs. A lot has even changed since 1992. I love sitting and thinking about stuff like that. The past, today, wondering about tomorrow. In some ways things are better. Somethings are worse and others haven't changed much. No matter what is going on, I still find life to be pretty amazing.
1970's - Environmental issues started. The economy was really bad. Women were taking a stand for more rights. The gay movement took a huge step forward. There were popular video games like space invaders, asteroids and pong. Pocket calculators were invented. So was the floppy disk, video games, fiber optics, microwave ovens and VCR's. Personal computers were about too. For tv, you could only get about 5 channels depending where you lived. Cheesy but cool tv shows like Brady bunch, Mork and Mindy, Welcome back Kotter, Three's company and so many more where a big hit. The reality shows for that time were stuff like That's incredible and variety shows. The talent shows were the gong show. Game shows were family feud, the price is right and others. Kid shows included Bugs Bunny, Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers and the Muppet show. You had to get up to change the channel and adjust the volume. They had to be really careful what they said and showed on tv. The fashion was lg. Afros, side burns, beards and platform heel disco boots for men. The women had long straight hair and the feather cut. Bell bottoms and turtle necks were in. For music there were records, 8 track tapes until the cassette tape came out in the early 70's. There was a rise in soft rock and pop rock while disco was hot. Some of the people you heard on the radio were Jackson 5, Stevie Wonder, Bee Gee's, Diana Ross, Barry White, MJ and other great artist. At the movies you saw Jaws and made you scared to go in the water. Grease made you sing and dance and the Exorcist made you scared as hell. Superman making you wish there really was one, Star Wars with awesome effects, The God father and so many others. For me, well I was born in 72. I remember 8 tracks, getting up for the tv, watching The Wiz and Star Wars at the theaters. MJ's Off the wall and me thinking people on the records were not real (I was a strange kid ok). I remember when VCR's first came out. There was VHS and Betta, VHS won. In 1972 a couple of months before I was born, a boy was born who would grow up and create awesome music and touch so many hearts. Darren Hayes is his name.
1980's - 'Just say no' campaign started, drugs becoming a serious problem. Space shuttle Challenger disintegrated. Beginning of AIDS pandemic. Seat belt safety got pushed, so did smoking awareness. More fighting on racism, discrimination etc. Gay rights became more widely accepted in the western world. The discovery of AIDS allowed the Christian Right to condemn gays claiming AIDS was brought about by gays "loose morals". The home computer became more popular, the mouse was invented so was the bulky cell phones. Pagers were popular especially for teens. Walkman radios & cassette players were huge. The remote control started to become big. Nintendo game system came aboard with games like Super Mario brothers, Duck hunt and Tetris. Other video games were popular like Pac-man, Donkey kong and Zelda (other Mario games as well). Cd's came about in 1982 quickly taking over records and tapes. Fashion - big hair for both men and women, hair gel, leg warmers, shoulder pads, bright florescent colors, big earrings and bracelets all up and down the arm. The Rubik's cube came aboard with everyone trying to solve it, can you? Cable tv became more accessible. Tv shows: Alf, Knight Rider, Full house, Rosanne, Facts of life, Cosby, Star Trek next generation, Cheers, 21 Jumpstreet giving us Johnny Depp and America's most wanted to help catch the bad people. Kid's shows: She-ra, He man and transformers. Reality & contest shows were Star search, Solid Gold and Bloopers and practical jokes. Game shows, some stayed the same like Price is right & family feud. There were so many good movies like ET, Indiana Jones, Beverly hills cop, Fatal attraction, Back to the future, 16 candles, Nightmare on elm street, St. elmo's fire, Big, and Steven King movies like Christine. In music, disco died and keyboard synthesizer and drum machines were popular in music. Techno came about. Hard rock, heavy metal and glam metal became popular. Rap exploding on the air waves while break dancing was cool. Parents freak out about lyrics in songs this creating the parental advisory crap to end up on cd's. Mtv was launched and music videos began with a huge effect on the record industry. The people that were being blasted on the air waves were MJ, LL cool J, Will Smith, Madonna, Bon Jovi, Cyndi Lauper, Kylie Minogue, George Michael, Prince, The cure, Def Leppard, and New kids on the block. For me, my sister was born, I started high school, got braces and experienced the loss of a family member for the first time. I had the bracelets, leg warmers and bright colors. Can't forget the parachute pants and biker shorts/pants. I loved watching Mtv. Trying to dance like MJ in Beat it, being amazed by Thriller. Hearing boom music coming from cars got on my last nerve and still does. Rap was actually fun to listen to. I watched albums disappear from my record store as cd's took over in the spots. Loved Janet Jackson's Rhythm nation cd, talking about racism. Seeing teenagers having pagers. Even though I was picked on a lot in grade school, when I was in high school I really got a sense of the prejudice in the world. Hearing people talk bad about MJ, New kids (I did and still love those guys) and about people who were gay really bugged me till no end. I couldn't understand how one can judge another without knowing the person first. Overall, I love the 80's.
This is the end of the first half. Stay tuned for the second part, 90's, today and the future.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Has been a struggle
I kinda feel funny blogging about this personal issue but at the same time if there are other women out there that are having the same issues, then maybe it will help for them to know that they are not alone.
I am talking about an ectopic pregnancy. About 5 1/2 yrs ago, I had what is called an ectopic pregnancy. It is when the fetus is somewhere else other than the uterus. In my case it got stuck in the left fallopian tube. Since it can't survive there, the tube burst, I lost the baby, had a massive internal bleeding and almost lost my life.
I didn't even know that I was pregnant. One night when I got up to start dinner, I had a big gas pain, felt sick and really dizzy. When I laid in front of the AC, I felt better. Later on I started to feel dizzy again & had to use the bathroom but knew I would faint if I got up. When my husband came home, he helped me up and before I could make it out of the front room, I fainted.
I thought it was because of the heat since the heat can make me feel dizzy etc & because I did feel better at one point. I finally made it up the stairs to my bedroom and I think at some point I fainted again. Some parts are still blurry. I didn't sleep at all that night.
The next day my husband got the kids to school. I now felt worse. Feeling full, in some pain and could hardly move. The kids had a short day. I still wanted to see what would happen before I went to the hospital. By the afternoon I was in so much pain I was scared and wanted to go to the doctors. My husband called 911, the firemen took my blood pressure, I fainted again but they caught me.
I got over to the hospital by ambulance (very bumpy ride). They asked me the normal questions. I did not think I was pregnant. Not to go all TMI but the last time we had sex, my husband didn't, well you know, so we didn't think anything of it. They ran a test anyways and sure enough I was. She then told me that I was about 3 weeks pregnant but I also had an ectopic pregnancy and lost it. Not in those words but basically that is what she said. She also said that I had internal bleeding and needed an operation to stop the bleeding or I will die.
I had to process all of this but couldn't show emotion because I was in pain. Now I no longer have a left fallopian tube. My parents came out, helped me for about a week before going back to CA. That night I lost it. All the emotions of everything came flooding out. By the way, I lost so much blood that it took 2 1/2 bags to refill me! I am dead serious. If I didn't go in when I did, I would not be here. I went through a lot of emotional stages and going through one now (will explain in a bit). That was the first time I had gotten pregnant. I never really got angry and I pretty much know why it happened. I had a cyst (not cancerous) and that is what stopped it. I am not angry, I just wonder why was this the only time I have gotten pregnant since I have been with my husband for about 16+ yrs (before we got married & almost 13 yrs marriage).
I still and always will think about it. Twice a yr it really gets me, Sep (that's when it happened) and around May/June because that is when he/she would have been born. What also has been bugging me is how to talk about it to people. Since I have recently putting myself out there trying to make friends (something I have never really done being a shy person), things have been coming up that is hard to deal with.
All the girls that I have been meeting have small kids. Some around the same age mine would be. I hear them talk about their kids, what they went through when they were pregnant etc etc. As I hear them talk about it, it keeps bringing up the feelings I have about loosing mine knowing that I would be talking about it all too but can't. They do not know yet what has happened to me because the subject really hasn't come up for me to say something.
It is getting harder and harder for me to hear these stories. Last time I almost left the room to go cry in the bathroom. I know I should and have to bring it up to them but how and when? I just don't want to pop up and say "oh by the way I lost a baby and almost died 5 1/2 yrs ago" especially if everyone is laughing and having a good time. I don't want to spoil any ones fun nor do I want it to be about me or have the attention turn to me.
I knew this was going to happen. I want to tell them but I just don't know how to or when the best time to bring it up. I also know that I will start crying when I do tell them. This is my new step in the grieving I guess, learning how and when to talk to people about it. I don't know what to do about it. I know I will work it out but for now it is very hard and I feel stuck. I know, a pretty long blog just to say what my issues is but I felt I had to explain my story first. Thanks for reading this long blog. If anyone has had an ectopic pregnancy, feel free to leave a comment or talk about it. Not a lot of people know about it and it can be really hard to get through.
I am talking about an ectopic pregnancy. About 5 1/2 yrs ago, I had what is called an ectopic pregnancy. It is when the fetus is somewhere else other than the uterus. In my case it got stuck in the left fallopian tube. Since it can't survive there, the tube burst, I lost the baby, had a massive internal bleeding and almost lost my life.
I didn't even know that I was pregnant. One night when I got up to start dinner, I had a big gas pain, felt sick and really dizzy. When I laid in front of the AC, I felt better. Later on I started to feel dizzy again & had to use the bathroom but knew I would faint if I got up. When my husband came home, he helped me up and before I could make it out of the front room, I fainted.
I thought it was because of the heat since the heat can make me feel dizzy etc & because I did feel better at one point. I finally made it up the stairs to my bedroom and I think at some point I fainted again. Some parts are still blurry. I didn't sleep at all that night.
The next day my husband got the kids to school. I now felt worse. Feeling full, in some pain and could hardly move. The kids had a short day. I still wanted to see what would happen before I went to the hospital. By the afternoon I was in so much pain I was scared and wanted to go to the doctors. My husband called 911, the firemen took my blood pressure, I fainted again but they caught me.
I got over to the hospital by ambulance (very bumpy ride). They asked me the normal questions. I did not think I was pregnant. Not to go all TMI but the last time we had sex, my husband didn't, well you know, so we didn't think anything of it. They ran a test anyways and sure enough I was. She then told me that I was about 3 weeks pregnant but I also had an ectopic pregnancy and lost it. Not in those words but basically that is what she said. She also said that I had internal bleeding and needed an operation to stop the bleeding or I will die.
I had to process all of this but couldn't show emotion because I was in pain. Now I no longer have a left fallopian tube. My parents came out, helped me for about a week before going back to CA. That night I lost it. All the emotions of everything came flooding out. By the way, I lost so much blood that it took 2 1/2 bags to refill me! I am dead serious. If I didn't go in when I did, I would not be here. I went through a lot of emotional stages and going through one now (will explain in a bit). That was the first time I had gotten pregnant. I never really got angry and I pretty much know why it happened. I had a cyst (not cancerous) and that is what stopped it. I am not angry, I just wonder why was this the only time I have gotten pregnant since I have been with my husband for about 16+ yrs (before we got married & almost 13 yrs marriage).
I still and always will think about it. Twice a yr it really gets me, Sep (that's when it happened) and around May/June because that is when he/she would have been born. What also has been bugging me is how to talk about it to people. Since I have recently putting myself out there trying to make friends (something I have never really done being a shy person), things have been coming up that is hard to deal with.
All the girls that I have been meeting have small kids. Some around the same age mine would be. I hear them talk about their kids, what they went through when they were pregnant etc etc. As I hear them talk about it, it keeps bringing up the feelings I have about loosing mine knowing that I would be talking about it all too but can't. They do not know yet what has happened to me because the subject really hasn't come up for me to say something.
It is getting harder and harder for me to hear these stories. Last time I almost left the room to go cry in the bathroom. I know I should and have to bring it up to them but how and when? I just don't want to pop up and say "oh by the way I lost a baby and almost died 5 1/2 yrs ago" especially if everyone is laughing and having a good time. I don't want to spoil any ones fun nor do I want it to be about me or have the attention turn to me.
I knew this was going to happen. I want to tell them but I just don't know how to or when the best time to bring it up. I also know that I will start crying when I do tell them. This is my new step in the grieving I guess, learning how and when to talk to people about it. I don't know what to do about it. I know I will work it out but for now it is very hard and I feel stuck. I know, a pretty long blog just to say what my issues is but I felt I had to explain my story first. Thanks for reading this long blog. If anyone has had an ectopic pregnancy, feel free to leave a comment or talk about it. Not a lot of people know about it and it can be really hard to get through.
Monday, December 21, 2009
My Darren Hayes story
I have been a fan of Darren Hayes since SG (Savage Garden) but at the time I didn't know Darren or Daniel's name. At that point in my life there was so much going on that I couldn't find out their names or who they were about (I also had a hard time getting to know Backstreet boys). I did know that once I heard 'Truly madly deeply' on the radio, I was hooked and knew I would love SG.
When the second album came out, I loved SG even more. I still didn't know anything about them though. I knew there was something special about Darren just from his eyes but I couldn't understand what it was at the time. It seems like not too long after 'Affirmation' came out, I heard that SG broke up. I can't remember how I heard about it but I knew I was sad that it happened.
Some time goes by and I get a computer of my own. I knew a little bit about computers but didn't know how to really use it to my advantage. Once I discovered amazon.com and started using it to help me find out about songs/music, I decided to see if SG had any more music out that I didn't know about and hoping that they did more music.
I saw the SG greatest hits cd which I did not know was out. Then I saw some cd's by someone by the name of Darren Hayes. I didn't know why those cd's were on the same page as SG but then I thought maybe one of them went on their own. I grabbed the 'Affirmation' cd and looked for their names and sure enough there was Darren Hayes. I was so happy. I then clicked to hear the sample music from his cd's that amazon does for most cd's. I instantly fell in love with the music and put them on my wish list.
In June of 2008 I decided to try out myspace. I didn't think I would be able to get into it but I decided to give it a shot. No more than a week into having myspace, I thought I would look to see if Darren had a page. Sure enough he did. I was then able to hear more of his songs and really liked them a lot.
I then started to read his blogs and spent 2-3 days reading all his myspace blogs. No I wasn't obsessed, I just wanted to know more about who he was as a person. I also went over to youtube and watched music videos that I never seen and interviews that he has done. The more I would find out the kind of person he is, the more I would like him. To me it's not just about the music or acting that makes me like someone, it's who they are on the inside.
Now I understand why yrs. ago when I looked into Darren's eyes in a pic, I knew there was something special (I know that sounds creepy and weird but I swear I'm sane; I can be a spiritual person to make it short). Darren really seems to be such an amazing person. I know you really can't tell who someone is through the computer but in some ways you can get a sense for people and who they are even by the computer. I can't really explain what I mean. I hope it made sense though.
I have never seen Darren in concert even during the SG days. I am hoping that will change in the coming years. I know it will be an amazing show. He knows how to put one on even if it's at a Borders (seen it from videos on youtube). I would also love to have the chance to meet him. I would have to make sure my shyness doesn't kick in though. I am shy with anybody that I meet for the first time.
Darren has a heart of gold, caring, funny as hell, so down to earth, compassionate, is not afraid to be himself even to his fans, honest, and he has a way with words. I love how he will talk to his fans about anything, play around (joke) with us, how he is goofy and treats us fans more like friends than fans. He is real and not fake like other artist. I know he has flaws like everyone else and that's ok. Can't forget that he is so very talented (an amazing voice and awesome song writer), creative and very very cute (blushing now). He is forever in my heart. I will always appreciate, respect and love him for everything he is and stands for. Darren......truly an amazing person inside and out.
When the second album came out, I loved SG even more. I still didn't know anything about them though. I knew there was something special about Darren just from his eyes but I couldn't understand what it was at the time. It seems like not too long after 'Affirmation' came out, I heard that SG broke up. I can't remember how I heard about it but I knew I was sad that it happened.
Some time goes by and I get a computer of my own. I knew a little bit about computers but didn't know how to really use it to my advantage. Once I discovered amazon.com and started using it to help me find out about songs/music, I decided to see if SG had any more music out that I didn't know about and hoping that they did more music.
I saw the SG greatest hits cd which I did not know was out. Then I saw some cd's by someone by the name of Darren Hayes. I didn't know why those cd's were on the same page as SG but then I thought maybe one of them went on their own. I grabbed the 'Affirmation' cd and looked for their names and sure enough there was Darren Hayes. I was so happy. I then clicked to hear the sample music from his cd's that amazon does for most cd's. I instantly fell in love with the music and put them on my wish list.
In June of 2008 I decided to try out myspace. I didn't think I would be able to get into it but I decided to give it a shot. No more than a week into having myspace, I thought I would look to see if Darren had a page. Sure enough he did. I was then able to hear more of his songs and really liked them a lot.
I then started to read his blogs and spent 2-3 days reading all his myspace blogs. No I wasn't obsessed, I just wanted to know more about who he was as a person. I also went over to youtube and watched music videos that I never seen and interviews that he has done. The more I would find out the kind of person he is, the more I would like him. To me it's not just about the music or acting that makes me like someone, it's who they are on the inside.
Now I understand why yrs. ago when I looked into Darren's eyes in a pic, I knew there was something special (I know that sounds creepy and weird but I swear I'm sane; I can be a spiritual person to make it short). Darren really seems to be such an amazing person. I know you really can't tell who someone is through the computer but in some ways you can get a sense for people and who they are even by the computer. I can't really explain what I mean. I hope it made sense though.
I have never seen Darren in concert even during the SG days. I am hoping that will change in the coming years. I know it will be an amazing show. He knows how to put one on even if it's at a Borders (seen it from videos on youtube). I would also love to have the chance to meet him. I would have to make sure my shyness doesn't kick in though. I am shy with anybody that I meet for the first time.
Darren has a heart of gold, caring, funny as hell, so down to earth, compassionate, is not afraid to be himself even to his fans, honest, and he has a way with words. I love how he will talk to his fans about anything, play around (joke) with us, how he is goofy and treats us fans more like friends than fans. He is real and not fake like other artist. I know he has flaws like everyone else and that's ok. Can't forget that he is so very talented (an amazing voice and awesome song writer), creative and very very cute (blushing now). He is forever in my heart. I will always appreciate, respect and love him for everything he is and stands for. Darren......truly an amazing person inside and out.
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